THE HORROR, THE HORROR, THE HARDBACK HORROR

So these are the best selling books on the planet? I must confess I had to Google The Alchemist, but the real horror was The Twilight Saga, I mean, The bloody Twilight Saga!!! Words fail me. And where’s the Koran?

Click here for Bo and the Duchess

The secret word is Gutenberg 

DRACULA SEZ…

“Idiot children of the night. I will show them twilight.” 

SPACE OPERA

DUMB AND DUMBER

This theory took me totally by surprise. But it does have it’s point. Is your phone smarter that you are? Roll on the Singularity and let Skynet sort it out. I’ll be dead anyway.

"Humankind's intelligence peaked thousands of years ago and advanced civilization has made life so easy for so many that our trend towards stupidity will continue as the ingenuity and intellect once needed for basic survival erode even further. This, anyway, is the argument of a new study out in the journal Trends in Genetics, authored by  Stanford University professor Gerald Crabtree. Crabtree's study claims that harmful genetic mutations—occurring generation after generation as society advanced—have reduced our "higher thinking" abilities and the accumulated result has led to a gradual dwindling of our intelligence as a species. The Guardian explains that Crabtree's thinking is a speculative idea—one he'd be happy to have prove wrong—but also a simple one: In the past, when our ancestors (and those who failed to become our ancestors) faced the harsh realities of a hunter-gatherer lifestyle, the punishment for stupidity was more often than not death. And so, Crabtree argues, enormous evolutionary pressure bore down on early humans, selecting out the dimwits, and raising the intellect of the survivors' descendants. But not so today. “I would wager that if an average citizen from Athens of 1000BC were to appear suddenly among us, he or she would be among the brightest and most intellectually alive of our colleagues and companions, with a good memory, a broad range of ideas and a clear-sighted view of important issues,” Professor Crabtree  says in the paper." (Click here for more)

Click herefor them old Pistols

The secret word is Stupid 

THE HISTORY OF THE EVERYTHING IN TWO MINUTES

Click here. It’s well worth the time. (Supplied by Mr MR)

50 SHADES OF CHICKEN

THE FROZDICK FAMILY

Marco Frozdick insisted on smoking the weird weed. 

SPACE OPERA

Lemmy? Who is old enough to remember?

GRATUITOUS READER

SUNDAY BREAKFAST

It’s a rare weekend when I can get up on a Sunday morning like I truly deserve a Bloody Mary and a bacon sandwich because the preceding week was not for once enclosed in a complete fog of blurred and distorted cosmic anti-matter and I don’t need to slither illicitly out of bed like a reluctant reptile. Obama was re-elected and, no matter how he let us down during the first term, at least the Gates of Conservative Hell didn’t swing open. I know New York and New Jersey are still a mess but can I be forgiven for being relieved that this time it isn’t happening to me. I figure we’ll all get our share of doomsday weather in due course. But can I think about that tomorrow and, for today, go on grinning at how the Director of the CIA – Bush’s favourite general – has totally screwed himself and dumped his career by fucking a good looking biographer, and maybe more? And can I feel all good and smug because three US states have legalized marijuana, while in Europe the concept that an economy can be saved by the draconian exploitation of the poor seems to be losing its already spurious philosophical support and the Bundesbank should be backing off if it knows what’s good for it? This may all be undue optimism and no doubt paranoid calamity will crash in on us tomorrow, but will you all allow me a day at the rose-tinted monitor?

Click here for Dolly Parton

The secret word is Eternal

THIS IS A BACON SANDWICH

MARILYN SEZ…

“We know it’s a bacon sandwich.”

THE GROUCHO LETTER

GRATUITOUS FRINGE

JUST A REMINDER…

It’s now available in the UK! Click here to learn more or to order 

LEMMY WAS RIGHT

Elizabeth Warren won her Senate seat in Massachusetts and that makes me extremely happy. Obama just won a few minutes ago. I’m not cheering like last time, but we’re saved from Mitt the Monster. Now I’m going to bed.

Click here for Elvis

The secret word is Relieved 

AND A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR...

LEMMY ENDORSES OBAMA

Amazing! This is the last thing I expected.

“Lemmy has sent an election message to the US, decrying the Republican presidential nominee as a "fucking monster". In an interview with Rolling Stone, the Motörhead leader pleaded with Americans: "Please, please don't vote for Mitt Romney. Fuck him. Repeal abortion law is the first thing he'll do." Lemmy is not famed for his political involvement, frequently denying any ideological motive behind his collection of Nazi memorabilia. However, he was steadfast in his view on the presidential race. He suggested the US had not been ready for an African-American president in the form of Barack Obama, "because they're trying to drag him down now. I mean, the poor fucker's only just gotten rid of all that George Bush shit that he left, or is trying to. And he's being stonewalled by the fucking Congress all the time. I don't know how he's gotten anything done. They should be glad. I mean the alternative is Mitt Romney."

Click here for more unexpected Lemmy

Then secret word is Vote

MARILYN SEZ…

“He’s fucking right, you know!”

THE FROZDICK FAMILY

Even by Frozdick standards Isadora was a little perverse.

GRATUITOUS FOR LEM

“REMEMBER, REMEMBER…

…the fifth of November, the gunpowder treason and plot

I see no reason why gunpowder treason should ever be forgot. “

Ever since I was a young lad, I always wondered if we were supposed to remember Guy Fawkes because he failed to blow up King James (of Bible fame) and parliament, or because he had the audacity to try.

Click here for Aretha and Keith

The secret word is Bang!

IF SATAN’S HAPPY I’M HAPPY

BUT…

(We have plans)

GRATUITOUS VANESSA

SUNDAY BREAKFAST

With the hype for the new Bond movie all over my TV I figured I’d martini my way through the weekend, then God got in the way. (See below)

Click here for Gene

The secret word is Interrupted

GOD SEZ…

Actually I lifted this from Tony Norman of the Pittsburg Post-Gazette. (Don’t ask how.)

"I am the god of the 1 percent. You shall have no other gods before me. I help those who help themselves and visit poverty over many generations to those who would redistribute the wealth that I have freely given to those who luxuriate without guilt in my love. I reward the spirit of material excess because I hate poverty and the poor who have rejected my ways.

"I am a vulgar god who never tires of the misery perpetuated by those who exploit the resources of the planet for tax breaks and personal gain. The smoke of belching coal plants and runoff from hydraulic fracturing pleases me. Let those who refuse to rape the earth that I have made in six days be accursed.

"I am the god of 'In God We Trust.' You shall have no other gods before me. Give to the poor (if you must) out of your excess and at your discretion. Don't be compelled by guilt. The poor don't need a safety net as long as I, the god of the Koch brothers and Ayn Rand, lives in the heart of every patriotic American. It is money that I love, not mercy for its own sake. Mercy without conditions offends me.

"I am the god of the morally upright. I abhor homosexuals, Democrats, mimes and all who believe in global warming. Those who have AIDS can give all glory to me. It is by my hand that every dread disease except obesity and cancer is visited upon the earth. Do not be fooled: I loathe the followers of Lady Gaga. Women who refuse to submit to male authority are an abomination.

"Those who believe in me know evolution is a lie straight from hell. The dinosaurs drowned during Noah's day because the ark couldn't contain them. This is not a mystery if you believe science is evil with all your heart.

"I am the god of war. I love violence and the mindless proliferation of guns in every home. Horses and bayonets proclaim my glory over the whole earth. That is why America is my blood-stained footstool. Guns don't kill -- I do.

"I am the god of the Invisible Hand. I hate the 47 percent who siphon the productivity of my blessed Job Creators. On Election Day, I will pour out my wrath on those who receive the mark of the Kenyan Keynesian. Repent of your idolatrous liberalism, or else."

MARILYN SEZ…

“What’s God done for me lately?”

IN OTHER NEWS I LEAVE IT ALL TO YOUR IMAGINATION

“The Prime Minister thanked Mrs Brooks for letting him ride one of her horses, joking it was "fast, unpredictable and hard to control but fun.".

DOC’S PAPERBACK CLASSICS #105

Click here for Marianne (and see my old pal and partner Brother Wayne Kramer playing his Capt. America guitar.)

GRATUITOUS FISHNETS

A HELL OF A TOWN

The only word is disturbing. To see long time familiar places on a flat screen TV in a foreign land that are ruined, wrecked, and under water. These are places where, once upon a time, I hung with comrades, went about my business, flirted with New York girls, or stumbled drunk in the dawn. The power is out. Streets are dark. The elevators no longer function. The subway is a storm drain. The traffic lights are dead. Automobiles have been thrown about like toys. Ranks of yellow cabs are partially submerged. The bars and saloons I knew so well are silent. What has become of The White Horse, The St. Mark’s Bar & Grill, The Grass Roots, The Park Inn, Dan Lynch’s, Tramps, McAnn’s The Chameleon. Have they been washed away or were they all ready gutted by yuppies or moved to Williamsburg. It’s been a while.

            Meanwhile, on the other side of the coin, Hurricane Sandy produces a distinct Godzilla foreboding. A tropical hurricane, wrapped in an arctic cold front, and driven inland by a rogue jetstream was the stuff of science fiction or disaster movie, or else a worst-case horror theory of extreme climate change in action. How long has it been since Tokyo was simultaneously attacked by super-earthquake, tsunami, and hard radiation? When the fuck do we get the message?  

Click here for Bob

The secret word Inundated

POSTED LATER – Seems I was fooled by the image. It’s mighty symbolic but also Photoshop. I’m leaving it, though, it doesn’t change how I feel. 

THE FROZDICK FAMILY

Josh Frozdick’s dog Butch was infinitely patient.

ON YOUR BIKE…

SPACE OPERA

GRATUITOUS STRAPS

STONES ON THE ROCKS

Okay so we’ve had the Swedes merchandising Motorhead vodka. And now the Japanese are punting out Rolling Stones scotch. To celebrate the band’s 50th anniversary Suntory Liquors will release a limited edition Rolling Stones 50th Anniversary Whisky limited to 150 bottles. The press release doesn’t say how much the damned stuff costs, but with tickets for the upcoming Stones’ shows in London priced up to £400 you gotta figure the tab is more than a couple of yen. I wonder if it’s rock & roll and I don’t think I like it.

“This whisky is a blend of carefully selected malts distilled and casked in milestone years throughout the band's 50 year history, including a malt from the year the band formed that has been long-aged in mizunara (Japanese oak) casks. Its weighty, complex aroma calls to mind both dried and ripened fruits, and even cacao and espresso, and its rich heaviness and slight bitterness expand in the mouth with a velvety smoothness. The aftertaste is a pleasant and expansive woodiness akin to the fragrance of the finest aloes wood, and a soft smokiness.”

Yeah, right.

Click herefor Scrapper Blackwell and a more realistic perspective.

The secret word is Exploit 

VOTE ZOMNEY

(Supplied by HCB)

Click here for Joss Whedon (trust me) 

I USED TO BE THE BALLY TABLE KING...

"EMBRACE THE DARK SIDE, BUNNY"

(Image by Kerrigan)

GRATUITOUS EVA GREEN

THIS FOOL CLAIMS GOD CONDONES RAPE

This is Richard Mourdock. I guess he’s a reminder of that they’re out there and they mean it. Mitt Romeny and the Republican Party are tailoring their appeal to the bigots, the ignorant, the fearful and the dangerously stupid.

WASHINGTON -- Indiana GOP U.S. Senate candidate Richard Mourdock declared Tuesday night he opposes aborting pregnancies conceived in rape because "it is something that God intended to happen." Debating Rep. Joe Donnelly (D-Ind.) in their final Senate race showdown, a questioner asked them and Libertarian candidate Andrew Horning to explain their views on abortion. All three said they were anti-abortion. But Mourdock went further, putting himself in territory near Missouri GOP Senate candidate Rep. Todd Akin, the anti-abortion congressman who infamously asserted that women don't get pregnant from "legitimate rape." "The only exception I have to have an abortion is in the case of the life of the mother," said Mourdock, the Tea Party-backed state treasurer. "I struggled with it myself for a long time, but I came to realize life is that gift from God. I think that even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen." (Click here for more)

Click here for Leonard Cohen

The secret word is Monster

LEST WE FORGET

Click here to order

Click here for Marianne

A VALID FEAR

THE FROZDICK FAMILY

Alcohol had a very odd effect on Millicent Frozdick.

GRATUITOUS DENEUVE

WHALE TALK

You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talking... you talking to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? OK. 

“A Beluga whale named Noc learned to warble in a human voice that was so convincing it fooled a diver into thinking someone was shouting at him to get out of the water, US researchers have revealed. Handlers at the National Marine Mammal Foundation in San Diego heard mumbling in 1984 coming from a tank containing whales and dolphins that sounded like two people chatting far away. It wasn't until one day, after a diver surfaced from the tank and asked: "Who told me to get out?" that researchers realised the garble came from a captive male Beluga whale. For several years they recorded its spontaneous sounds while it was underwater and when it surfaced. An acoustic analysis revealed the human-like sounds were several octaves lower than typical whale calls. The research was published on Monday in the scientific journal Current Biology. The authors wrote that Noc was even able to be trained to "speak" on cue  and they were able to study how he adjusted the pressure and "phonic lips" in his nasal cavities to make sounds much lower than ordinary whale squeals and clicks. "The whale was exposed to speech not only from humans at the surface – it was present at times when divers used surface-to-diver communication equipment. The whale was recognised as the sources of the speech-like sounds when a diver surfaced outside this whale's enclosure and asked: 'Who told me to get out?' Our observations led us to conclude the 'out' which was repeated several times came from Noc. "We interpreted the whale's vocalisations as an attempt to mimic humans." After four years of copying people, Noc reached maturity and apparently either lost the capacity to make human noise or lost interest in doing so. He went back to sounding like a whale, emitting high-pitched noises, and died five years ago.

Dolphins and parrots have been taught to mimic the patterns of human speech, but it is rare for an animal to do it spontaneously. The study is not the first time a whale have been identified making human sounds. Scientists who have studied sounds of white whales in the wild sometimes heard what sounded like shouting children.

Caretakers at the Vancouver Aquarium in Canada once claimed they heard one of the white whales say its name, Lagosi. His other utterances were indistinct and described as a garbled human voice, or someone speaking in Russian or Chinese.”

Click here for the video

The secret word is Moby

SELF PROMOTION CAN ONLY BE SHAMELESS

No matter how one pretends to be ivory towered above the fray, the writer with a book out, even a slim novelette, has get down in the marketplace and shill with the rest. (Johnny de Luxe will probably have some snide comments.) My good friends at Dangerous Minds just ran an excerpt which I really appreciate…

“Doc had been set up like a bowling pin. Sub-space gossip about GS-AS Pentecostal Fire Boys with snitches in tow, shaman mumblings from the jungle hinter world of insurrection and planned cannibalism, while much closer to home the ominous silence that follows and envelopes a pariah left him in no doubt that he was being fingered far and wide for Huxley Hahn’s Roman butchery at the notorious Cardinal’s fuck pad. Doc had no idea why he’d been chosen to take the fall – or if the motel interlude at the Red Barn had been a part of a long term setup – but it had clearly been decreed somewhere on the higher floors of Golgotha, and, in consequence, he was royally fucking screwed.” Click here for more

Click here to order

Click here for Screwed Up

TOYS FOR TINY TERROR TOTS