Actually I lifted this from
Tony Norman of the Pittsburg Post-Gazette. (Don’t ask how.)
"I am the god of the 1 percent. You shall have no other gods before me. I
help those who help themselves and visit poverty over many generations to those
who would redistribute the wealth that I have freely given to those who
luxuriate without guilt in my love. I reward the spirit of material excess
because I hate poverty and the poor who have rejected my ways.
"I am a vulgar god who never tires of the misery
perpetuated by those who exploit the resources of the planet for tax breaks and
personal gain. The smoke of belching coal plants and runoff from hydraulic
fracturing pleases me. Let those who refuse to rape the earth that I have made
in six days be accursed.
"I am the god of 'In God We Trust.' You shall have no
other gods before me. Give to the poor (if you must) out of your excess and at
your discretion. Don't be compelled by guilt. The poor don't need a safety net
as long as I, the god of the Koch brothers and Ayn Rand, lives in the heart of
every patriotic American. It is money that I love, not mercy for its own sake.
Mercy without conditions offends me.
"I am the god of the morally upright. I abhor
homosexuals, Democrats, mimes and all who believe in global warming. Those who
have AIDS can give all glory to me. It is by my hand that every dread disease
except obesity and cancer is visited upon the earth. Do not be fooled: I loathe
the followers of Lady Gaga. Women who refuse to submit to male authority are an
abomination.
"Those who believe in me know evolution is a lie
straight from hell. The dinosaurs drowned during Noah's day because the ark
couldn't contain them. This is not a mystery if you believe science is evil
with all your heart.
"I am the god of war. I love violence and the mindless
proliferation of guns in every home. Horses and bayonets proclaim my glory over
the whole earth. That is why America is my blood-stained footstool. Guns don't
kill -- I do.
"I am the god of the Invisible Hand. I hate the 47
percent who siphon the productivity of my blessed Job Creators. On Election
Day, I will pour out my wrath on those who receive the mark of the Kenyan
Keynesian. Repent of your idolatrous liberalism, or else."