REMEMBER THE COCAINE SUBMARINE?

Years ago we ran the story of the cocaine smuggling submarine that was found in a forest in Ecuador. Now, after all this time, we have a breakdown of its construction and capabilities.

“With a crew of four to six, it has a maximum operational range of 6,800 nautical miles on the surface and can go 10 days without refueling. Packed with 249 lead-acid batteries, the behemoth can also travel silently underwater for up to 18 hours before recharging. The most valuable feature, though, is the cargo bay, capable of holding up to 9 tons of cocaine—a street value of about $250 million. The vessel ferries that precious payload using a GPS chart plotter with side-scan capabilities and a high-frequency radio—essential gadgetry to ensure on-time deliveries. There’s also an electro-optical periscope and an infrared camera mounted on the conning tower—visual aids that supplement two miniature windows in the makeshift cockpit.” (Click here for more)

Click here for Ringo

The secret word is Snorkel

THE CAT WITH FIVE EARS

What can I say except it’s from the Rianovosti website in Russia…

“A biologist from Voronezh found a cat with five ears in the street and brought it home to study and perhaps breed. "The cat has two normal ears, two extra ears are turned 180 degrees and there is a tiny fifth ear," said Vladimir Obryvkov of the Voronezh State University of Agriculture. The scientist, who has been studying animal anomalies for years, took the cat to X-ray its unusual ears but decided to take her home to his children. Obryvkov said that the cat named Luntya also has big paws but her behavior does not differ from that of normal cats. He also said that he wants to mate his new pet with a four-eared cat living in Vladivostok to create a new breed of these fluffy animals.”

And talking of Russia…

ALL THE FUN OF RUSSIAN ROULETTE AND NONE OF THE DEATH

DON'T YOU MISS THE 20TH CENTURY?

YOUR PHONE IS WATCHING YOU

All I can really hope is that one day they will drown in their own data.

"Your cell phone company knows everywhere you go, twenty-four hours a day, every day. How concrete is this fact for you? It's very concrete for Malte Spitz, a German politician and privacy advocate. He used German privacy law — which, like the law of many European countries, gives individuals a right to see what private companies know about them — to force his cell phone carrier to reveal what it knew about him. The result? 35,831 different facts about his cell phone use over the course of six months. As the German newspaper website Zeit Online reports: This profile reveals when Spitz walked down the street, when he took a train, when he was in an airplane. It shows where he was in the cities he visited. It shows when he worked and when he slept, when he could be reached by phone and when was unavailable. It shows when he preferred to talk on his phone and when he preferred to send a text message. It shows which beer gardens he liked to visit in his free time. All in all, it reveals an entire life. To show just how extensive this data is, Spitz chose to make it all available to the public; Zeit Online used it to prepare a remarkable interactive map which animates Spitz's movements, moment by moment, over the course of half a year. It's correlated with information Spitz willingly posted on the web, and, according to him and the newspaper, is remarkably, eerily accurate. Try it out.” (Click here for more and links.)

Click here for Lou

The secret word is Shadow

LETTER FROM TOKYO

Our good friend Yukiko writes…

"After 3.11, it's as if something has changed in Japan forever although it may be only in my consciousness. The blackouts, which they execute from time to time, makes me wonder we really need to go back to that excessively well organized society in which trains come every 3 minute without delay, things are delivered the next day of order, illuminations are so elaborately beautiful, etc. etc. All that highly comfortable and convenient life was standing on the anxiety of the people who lived near the Fukushima Atomic Plant and who now are not allowed to go back to their town to look for bodies of their family.

"Today Mr. Nicolas Sarkozy, the leader of a country with 58 nuclear reactors, came to Japan to discuss Fukushima Daiichi. Since 3.11 an average day of the Japanese starts with yet another unpleasant news about yet another unpleasant number about yet another radioactive substance which was detected at yet another place. What we now have is a quiet panic. A psychologist was saying on TV that a human being can react to the danger correctly, but not to the anxiety. The monster is becoming increasingly smarter and now stretching its hand to the sea, so eagerly wanting to contaminate it with the radioactive water which is constantly leaking from an unidentified place. As you so wisely pointed out when it happened, this is a global crisis and in the long run many people in the world may pause, regardless of whether they should, before eating the fish on his/her plate wondering if it's really safe."

HELTER SKELTER WILL COME AGAIN (You have been warned)

(Or is it our April Fools gag?)
Click here for Charlie

GRATUITOUS RACHEL RILEY

This will only make sense to Englishmen who watch afternoon TV.

CAN TV SURVIVE A GLENN BECK CHANNEL?

As Entertainment Weekly tells it…

"Oprah has a network. Ted Turner launched several networks. Martha Stewart has a network (or at least hours of face time on the Hallmark Channel). And now it looks like Glenn Beck might be getting a piece of the dial, too. According to a story in yesterday’s New York Times, if Beck leaves Fox News when his contract runs out at the end of this year, one of the options he’s considering is fronting his own TV channel. Already, the Times notes, Beck has been staffing up his independent media company, Mercury Radio Arts, and churning out pay content for the web — which has brought in $4 million. How big a step would it be for him take it to the next level, launching The Beck Channel on cable? Preposterous? Possibly. But just think of the groundbreaking programming The Beck Channel could offer viewers. How about a game show based on The Book of Revelations? How will the world end today? Earthquakes? Plagues? The Twelfth Imam? Spin the Apocalypse Wheel and see where it lands. Maybe Christine O’Donnell could host. Or how about a Saturday morning cartoon, drawn entirely on a chalkboard, that takes kids on an ACORN hunt through the entire U.S. Federal bureaucracy. That could make conspiracy theories fun for the whole family! Michele Bachmann and Sharron Angle could do the voices. There’s got to be a thousand ideas out there for shows to put on Beck’s cable channel."

Click here for Zappa

The secret word is Braindeath

RADIO FOR ALL

The show that Tim Rundall and I (seated above) did two days ago on Brighton Community Radio, playing live, chatting and spinning some of our favorite records, is now archived and can be heard by clicking here. (I've listened to this myself and I figure if I can stand it, you can. And Tim's picking guitar like one inspired motherfucker.)

Okay, so it’s fucking obvious but still click here for Sex Pistols

WOW! 2 (Bridget Riley)

IT’S A WEIRD WORLD WHERE THEY BUST WILLIE NELSON

This absurd Texas tale comes from our pal Lettice via Facebook…

“Singer-songwriter and marijuana enthusiast Willie Nelson could have faced a lengthy jail term after he was arrested for possession in November. But perhaps the Texas prosecutor has been smoking some of Willie’s special cigarettes, because he has agreed to let the 77-year-old legend avoid prison but only if he gives the court a song. Hudspeth County Attorney Kit Bramblett said: ‘I’m gonna let him plead, pay a small fine and he’s gotta sing “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain” with his guitar right there in the courtroom.’ He added: ‘You bet you’re a** I ain’t gonna be mean to Willie Nelson.’ Nelson was arrested in November his tour bus was crossing the Mexican border into Hudspeth County, Texas on its way to Los Angeles when officers smelled cannabis coming from inside. The bus was searched and six ounces was discovered, which Nelson said was his. He posted a $2,500 bail and the bus was allowed to go on its way. Nelson is a keen advocate of legalising the drug and is co-chair of the advisory board of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws.” (Click here for more)

Click here for Willie

The secret word is Inexplicable

AND THE NEXT THING TO WORRY ABOUT IS…WATER

The announcement deserves a dire drum role, and all of these terrible problems that Corporate Global refuse to address because their profits are more important make me quite relieved that I’m at approaching the end of my allotted span.

“More than one billion urban residents will face serious water shortages by 2050 as climate change worsens effects of urbanization, with Indian cities among the worst hit, a study said Monday. The shortage threatens sanitation in some of the world's fastest-growing cities but also poses risks for wildlife if cities pump in water from outside, said the article in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. The study found that under current urbanization trends, by mid-century some 993 million city dwellers will live with less than 100 liters (26 gallons) each day of water each -- roughly the amount that fills a personal bathtub -- which authors considered the daily minimum. Adding on the impact of climate change, an additional 100 million people will lack what they need for drinking, cooking, cleaning, bathing and toilet use.” (Click here for more)

THE FROZDICK FAMILY

Vasilev (Buster) Frozdick was pledged to the monkey cult.

WOW!

THERE’S BLING AND THERE’S OBSCENE

The gulf between rich and poor yawns wider and more irrational. As wealth, for some becomes an abstract concept, ordinary people take to the streets to protest austerity or to demand democracy. In that context, should anyone be bent out of shape because a few tasteless assholes want to own a $3 million diamond watch. Why the fuck not? That’s how the French Revolution got started.

“This year Hublot makes another big bang with this baguette diamond covered 18k white gold Big Bang tourbillon watch. This follows up the Million Dollar Bing Bang from a few years ago that used black diamonds. The $3 Million Big Bang has something like 142 carats of diamonds all over the case, dial, and bracelet. Most of them are large baguette-cut stones and they look marvelous. Pieces like this are made to order for the right type of people. This isn't the type of watch you can just walk around in. Though at the right social event, the guy wearing the diamond encrusted Hublot that sells for an obscene price might have his taste and sanity questioned, but certainly not his success.”

Click here for Creedence

The secret word is Guillotine

CARTMAN KAIJU DEATH BY TRUSTOCORP

The South Park Art 15th Anniversary Art Exhibition will open March 28th at the Opera Gallery in New York City and run through April 10th. Picture from Scott Beale of Laughing Squid. (Click here for more)

THE MOUSE WILLS IT

Lifted from Adam Gorightly

GRATUITOUS BIRKIN

MICHAEL JACKSON BURNS IN HELL

Teen Christian Angelica Elizabeth Zambrano Mora doesn’t get down on Fridays. She’s getting conducted tours of Hell from Jesus and some attendant angels.

“Jesus told me that many famous people were walking to that place, famous and important people. Take for example, Michael Jackson. This man was famous all over the world but he was a Satanist. Although many people may not see it that way, but it is the truth. This man had satanic covenants: He came to agreement with the devil in order to achieve fame and attract many fans. Those steps that he performed, that's the way I saw demons walk while tormenting people in hell. They would slide backward and not move forward, while they shout; enjoying the anguish they impose upon the people. Let me tell you that Michael Jackson is in hell. The Lord showed him to me after Michael died. He let me see Michael Jackson tormented in flames. I cried to Jesus, "Why?" It wasn't easy to see how this man was being tormented and how he would scream. Anyone who listens to Michael Jackson's songs or sings them or who is a fan of Michael Jackson, I warn you that Satan is trapping you in his web so that you will end up in hell.” (Click here for the whole weirdness)

Click here for Arthur Brown (via Jenny Spires)

The secret word is Lucifer

RADIO RADIO (Tuesday)

Tim Rundall and I (pictured above) will be on Brighton Community Radio tomorrow (Tuesday) playing, chatting, and spinning some of our favorite records. Click here at 4.00pm British Summer Time.

DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER (YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?)

DON'T YOU MISS THE 20TH CENTURY?

Our pals at Delancey Place sent us this snippet…

"In new and sanitized suburban towns, a young generation thus dreamed of cures - of a death-free, disease-free existence. Lulled by the idea of the durability of life, they threw themselves into consuming durables: boat-size Studebakers, rayon leisure suits, televisions, radios, vacation homes, golf clubs, barbecue grills, washing machines. In Levittown, a sprawling suburban settlement built in a potato field on Long Island - a symbolic utopia - 'illness' now ranked third in a list of 'worries,' falling behind 'finances' and 'child-rearing.' In fact, rearing children was becoming a national preoccupation at an unprecedented level. Fertility rose steadily - by 1957, a baby was being born every seven seconds in America. The 'affluent society,' as the economist John Galbraith described it, also imagined itself as eternally young, with an accompanying guarantee of eternal health - the invincible society." – Siddhartha Mukherjee

But later they would learn better.

Click here for Rosemary Clooney

SPACE OPERA

SUNDAY BREAKFAST

I feel so very less then energized by the propect of solitary ceral or a self-fried egg that they already tell me is no good for me. I dream of calling a cab, showing the driver the above picture, and instructing him to take me there with all possible acceleration, not sparing the horsepower. And the driver will of course imediately comply and speed me to this wonderous place where I will breakfast on smoked salmon, caviar, and perfect sweet rolls; where I’ll drink mimosas and superior coffee, and flirt with beautiful women in low cut dresses who will swiftly adore me. After that I will be ready for any work of genius that might present itself through the remainder of the day.

Click here for Dusty Springfield

The secret words are Dream and On

MARILYN SEZ...

“Shut up and drink your milk.”

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

THE FROZDICK FAMILY

Francis X. Frozdick could make the water turn black.

THIS WOMAN WANTS TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

She is a unprincipled publicity obsessed egomanic and will probably never actually be elected (although you never can totally tell) but you can bet she will get the major media mileage out of the attempt and probably misappropriate a good wedge of cash along the way. Her name is Michele Bachmann.

Click here for The Beatles

THIS MAN WANTS TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

He is a unprincipled publicity obsessed egomanic and will probably never actually be elected (although you never can totally tell) but you can bet he will get the major media mileage out of the attempt and probably misappropriate a good wedge of cash along the way. His name is Donald Trump.

Click here for The Beatles

The secret word is Idiocy

Click here for a video.

SO HOW DO YOU THINK ERIC CLAPTON DID IT?

SPACE BUNNY

I DON’T HAVE THE WORDS

These first photos of the men now being called the Fukushima 50, the reactor workers struggling without letup to stop a meltdown at the Fukushima Daiichi power plant, are almost too poignant for the crass media that has been featuring them. Seemingly five of the original group have died but an additional 150 workers have joined them. I can only feel completely humbled by the quiet courage of these people who remain inside the stricken plant despite the strong possibility that radiation is silently and invisibly killing them. So many things seem so very small in comparison.

Meanwhile a grim and angry Yukiko writes from Tokyo…

“While NISA is conducting their usual inarticulate press sessions, we're getting increasingly grim news about detection of nuclear substances in milk, vegetables, and now water which threatens the health of babies. And yesterday, a well-expected accident finally happened at the reactor #3, where three engineers--employees of TEPCO's contract company--who were trying to restore the cooling system were severely exposed to radiation by stepping in the contaminated water, two of whom have been in an extremely serious condition. The dreadful accident was caused by TEPCO's not having informed them sufficiently of the danger of potential radiation leak at the work site--they didn't even have one of their radiation detection personnel accompany these engineers to constantly measure the level of radiation beside them.

“I could have written you about the press conference between the media and two captains and their commander of Tokyo Fire Department who had just been back from the operation to hose a reactor from a suicidal distance. At first they had planned to fulfill the task from within a thick steel fire engine without going out to the contaminated area, but as they arrived at the site, it was found that they must spread the hose manually outside of the fire truck, which they did. I could have told you what I saw from the Q&A, but it was just too emotional and tragic for me to write about it objectively. I have no idea why the Japanese repeat such a Kamikaze operation.

“The earthquake and Tsunami were natural calamities, but what happened and is happening at the Fukushima Daiichi Atomic Plant are NOT. This whole thing taught me that the human being has not evolved enough to control the atomic power -- we're still just too unintelligent to handle the monster.”

The secret word is Distrust

HELLO KITTY! DIE! DIE!

But, back in the USA, we used to joke about a Hello Kitty handgun, but it seems like we joked too soon.

“Manufacturer Taurus has a range of pistols with pink mother of pearl hand grips, while TJ’s Custom Gunworks will embellish weapons with the Hello Kitty logo. Sig Sauer, which supplies the US military, also offers several designs, including the P238 Lady, which boasts scroll engraving, gold flower inlay, and a rosewood grip. Peggy Tarturo, executive editor of Women and Guns magazine, explained why the female-friendly firearms were proving to be such a commercial success. She said: 'You’ll see guns scaled down in terms of grips more attractive for women. 'Average women tend to be smaller, and so especially with a long gun, you’ll notice between a gun that didn’t fit you and a gun that did.' Pink shooting accessories are also becoming increasingly popular with Ontario-based Packing in Pink selling earmuffs, range glasses, apparel and target sheets in the saccharine hue.”

Click here for Gene Vincent

THE FROZDICK FAMILY

Chopper Frozdick’s concept of a motorcycle gang was not only strange but frequently stained pink.

DON'T YOU MISS THE 20TH CENTURY?

(Lifted from Dangerous Minds)

THIS IS REBECCA BLACK. SHE’S 13 AND 42 MILLION PEOPLE HAVE WATCHED HER VIDEO

And most of them claim to hate it. The pop media, however, are fascinated by the viral numbers. Simon Cowell is fascinated by the numbers. I suspect they believe there is some mystic secret in this kind of social network generated mass response that they would love to tap into. Wikipedia have a long analysis. Me? Hell, I’m not fascinated. This is ultra-dumb pop music. There’s always been ultra-dumb pop music, although this may be dumber than most. I also don’t believe there is any secret for Cowell and his ilk to glean from all this. Viral internet responses of this kind are, I figure, the result of some wholly unpredictable Jungian electronic consciousness. Next week it will be a another hamster eating popcorn.

Click here for the video

Click here for Wikipedia

The secret word is Thursday

Pinetop Perkins – RIP

THIS IS STEVEN SEAGAL AND HE’S A HAS-BEEN IDIOT ACTOR

It would seem that asshole Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio is not only a loudmouth fascist blowhard, but also a starfucker who will blithely piss away public money indulging his bullyboy fantasies for the camera.

“Maricopa County, Arizona, Sheriff Joe Arpaio and visiting lawman Steven Seagal went on a raid to a home in the West Valley area of Phoenix, where a man was suspected of cockfighting. The search warrant was executed as the SWAT team rolled into the neighborhood in armored vehicles led by a tank. They arrested Jesus Llovera during the raid Monday. Llovera was alone in the house at the time of the arrest, and he was unarmed. “I think taxpayers should be shocked,” said Robert Campus, Llovera’s attorney. Campus said he believes the operation costs tens of thousands of dollars. Deputies had no probable cause to believe Llovera was armed or dangerous, according to Campus. Campus said he believes the entire scene was basically a stage, to help actor Steven Seagal’s TV show, “Lawman.” Seagal was riding in the tank. The Sheriff’s Department has entered into a contract with Seagal and part of that contract gives Seagal carte blanche to go along with the sheriff as he arrests people. Thousands of dollars in damages were made to the property and 115 birds were euthanized on the spot. One neighbor was so frightened she called 911 to report the raid.”

THIS IS ANOTHER PICTURE OF ELIZABETH TAYLOR

Click here for Oscar-winning drama

ELIZABETH TAYLOR -- RIP

WHO YOU GONNA CALL?

According to this story from io9, we have been Googling Godzilla in record numbers since the threatened Fukushima meltdown. Are we unfeeling bastards or just looking for comfort in pop culture?

“Over the past few weeks, we've sought to understand the science behind the unfolding disaster in Japan. But a fascinating statistic from Wikipedia shows that hits on "Godzilla" jumped tremendously after the disaster too. What does this say about us? As we struggle to assimilate news about the quake, tsunami, and nuclear power plant leaks in Japan, many of us turn to rationality for comfort. We've tried to educate ourselves about how radiation works, and whether earthquakes can be predicted in future. Ultimately what we're trying to find, though, is perspective. It seems like the worst disaster we can imagine, but is it really? Knowing the answer to that question can help us view what's happening without being overwhelmed by fear and sadness. I would argue that people are looking up Godzilla on Wikipedia for the same reason. It's become a kind of pop culture joke that Godzilla is a symbol of atomic disaster in Japan. But there's a serious side to the joke, a poignant side. The big rubbery monster is the antagonist (and later, protagonist) in our best-known modern fable of nuclear destruction. When people search for Godzilla in the wake of atomic destruction in Japan, they are looking for context and meaning - they are following the same impulse that drives other people to learn about millisieverts.”

Click here for original Gojiro trailer

The secret word is Metaphor

THINK ABOUT IT

"Obama has now fired more cruise missiles than all other Nobel Peace prize winners combined." - Unknown

OH PLEASE…

I’m kinda late coming to this because I was somehow hoping this whole royal wedding malarkey (and I use the antique term advisedly) would somehow go away. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be.

“To celebrate the engagement of Prince William of Wales to Ms. Catherine Elizabeth Middleton, Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction has commissioned a unique heritage edition Royal Wedding Souvenir boîte de capotes. Combining the strength of a Prince with the yielding sensitivity of a Princess-to-be, Crown Jewels condoms promise a royal union of pleasure. Truly a King amongst Condoms. Includes a collectable portrait of the Royal Couple as they might appear on their wedding day – exclusively created for Crown Jewels.” (Click here for more of this nonsense)

Click here for Julie Driscoll

SPACE OPERA

THIS IS SAMMY HAGAR. HE CLAIMS HE WAS ABDUCTED BY ALIENS

I’ve always thought of Sammy Hagar as being somewhere in the margin between idiot and asshole. Now he claims his brain was abducted by it may explain a lot. On the other hand, it would leave a terrible impression of humanity among participating ETs. The following MSNBC story was sent by the wonderful Wendy. (And it also provides an element of silliness in these troubled times.)

“No doubt Sammy Hagar, a former lead singer for Van Halen, has enjoyed a lot of far out experiences in life, but on Monday, the rocker told perhaps his farthest out tale to MTV. He was abducted by aliens. Or, at least, his brain was. In an interview for his new book, "Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock" at mtvhive.com, Hagar lets go of what even he admits might make him "sound like a crazy person" to some readers. He and the reporter are talking about dreams he claims to have had about UFOs, and when asked whether he believed he had been abducted, Hagar answers: "I think I have." The reporter seemed surprised. "What? Really? I was kidding. You seriously believe that?" he asks. Hagar laughs and goes on to explain that a passage in the book described as a dream in which he is contacted by aliens from outer space in California was, in fact, reality. The tale describes how the beings tapped into his mind through a wireless connection. "It was real," Hagar told the reporter, according to the story on MTV's Hive website. "They were plugged into me. It was a download situation ... Or, they uploaded something from my brain, like an experiment." Hagar goes on to describe another experience at the age of four where he believes he saw an alien space ship in broad daylight hovering over a country field where his family lived.”

Click here for Sheb Wooley

The secret word is Cortex

WHO KNEW? #1

At the same time as sending us the story about Sammy Hagar, our pal Wendy castigated me for posting yesterday’s Space Cat On Mushrooms that is seemingly a Photoshop mash-up of a set of children’s stories by Ruthven Todd that have a long and noble tradition.

“Ruthven Campbell Todd (Pronounced 'riven') (14 June 1914 – 1978) was a Scottish poet, artist and novelist, best known as an editor of the works of William Blake. He wrote also under the pseudonym R. T. Campbell. He was involved with the surrealists at the time of the 1936 International Surrealist Exhibition. During the 1930s, he friendly with Wyndham Lewis, contributing to the Lewis issue of Julian Symons's Twentieth Century Verse, and recruited him to keep the dozing Ezra Pound, whose portrait Lewis was painting. A character based on Todd was included in Symons' first detective story, The Immaterial Murder Case.) During World War II he was a conscientious objector. He moved to America in 1947, where he held a position at a university in New York, and ran the Weekend Press during the 1950s. He contributed to children's literature, with the fifties Space Cat series.”

WHO KNEW? #2

It the Devil sent Elvis Presley it puts a whole new slant on Satanism.