A LITTLE EARLY TO SHOUT "DUCK!"

For all of you who find the End of the World totally fascinating, an AOL news report sent over by the lovely and amazing Wend warns that an asteroid may come uncomfortably close to Earth in 2036, and suggests that the United Nations should assume responsibility for a space mission to deflect it. Astronomers are monitoring an asteroid named Apophis. (Stupid and pretentious classical-obscure fucking name, why not call this agent of our demise something like Barry, Fido, or Mrs Thatcher and make the doom of man truly absurd?) Apparently Apophis has a 1 in 45,000 chance of striking Earth on April 13, 2036. (Is that a Friday?) And although 45 thousand to one is hardly Las Vegas odds, it does seem like a reasonable idea to deflect Apophis since, in 2036, I will only be ninety something and – if I’m successful in my efforts to outlive Willie Nelson – I’ll doubtless have much more important things to do than be blown up by a goddamned asteroid like some unfortunate bloody dinosaur. Unless, of course, the Mayan calendar was right after all and everything had already winked into nothingness on December 21st, 2012.

The secret word is Boom!