AND FINALLY...

Rimshot!

(Send by the Hunter)

SHE MAKES PALIN SEEM SANE

I like a good revolution now and again, but the one currently being loudly and hysterically espoused by Michelle Bachmann – a Republican Congresswoman from east-central Minnesota – needs to be avoided at all costs. I’m confident that this extreme-right loony will ultimately be laughed into derisive oblivion (and I’m doing my bit here to speed that plough) but let’s make no mistake that what she proposes is nothing short of a full-blown fascist theocracy, or that she’s playing to the conspiracy nuts who have deftly switched the authorship of mass arrests and FEMA deathcamps from Dick Cheney to Barack Obama. Here are some recent sayings of crazy Bachmann…

“I want people in Minnesota armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back. Thomas Jefferson told us ‘having a revolution every now and then is a good thing,’ and the people – we the people – are going to have to fight back hard if we’re not going to lose our country. And I think this has the potential of changing the dynamic of freedom forever in the United States.”
"I’m a foreign correspondent on enemy lines and I try to let everyone back here in Minnesota know exactly the nefarious activities that are taking place in Washington."
“Science is on our side on this one, and the science indicates that human activity is not the cause of all this global warming. And that in fact, nature is the cause, with solar flares, etc.”
“The U.S. will soon be moving to give up the dollar as our currency and we would just go with a One World currency. Such action would mean the U.S. as a country would be no more.”

The secret word is Wingnut

PROLETARIAT PINUP #10

“Buy a girl a drink, and then remember the immortal words of Tom Joad. “I'll be all around in the dark - I'll be everywhere. Wherever you can look - wherever there's a fight, so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beatin' up a guy, I'll be there. I'll be in the way guys yell when they're mad. I'll be in the way kids laugh when they're hungry and they know supper's ready, and when the people are eatin' the stuff they raise and livin' in the houses they build - I'll be there, too.’”

OUR WHACKY UNCLE BILL

Uncle Bill is late. Mr. Tesla reads a book by the light of his coil while he waits for Uncle Bill to arrive.

DANGEROUS MACHO

Doc40, being almost as chickenshit as much of the mainstream media, usually refrains from taking sides in the conflicts between Israel and its Islamic neighbors. Any debate tends to ultimately bog down in smokescreen accusations of anti-Semitism and worse. But when the Israeli army is running around in t-shirts like this, we have to comment. Israelis of good will really have to rein in these boyos before the macho gets homicidally out of hand. Questioning the actions of the Israeli military does not make me a Nazi and, right now, there would seem to be much to question.

The secret word is Accord

AS IF WE DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT

Our pal Joly provided this grim possibility of plasma balls…

“It is midnight on 22 September 2012 and the skies above Manhattan are filled with a flickering curtain of colourful light. Few New Yorkers have seen the aurora this far south but their fascination is short-lived. Within a few seconds, electric bulbs dim and flicker, then become unusually bright for a fleeting moment. Then all the lights in the state go out. Within 90 seconds, the entire eastern half of the US is without power.
A year later and millions of Americans are dead and the nation's infrastructure lies in tatters. The World Bank declares America a developing nation. Europe, Scandinavia, China and Japan are also struggling to recover from the same fateful event - a violent storm, 150 million kilometres away on the surface of the sun.” (For the full story and a video, click here.)

A VISUAL AID

This is a trillion bucks in hundreds. The little guy on the far left is a standard human. (Sent by Doug the Bass)

“This is a big ocean-liner. It's not a speedboat. It doesn't turn around immediately. But we're in a better, better place because of the decisions that we made.” – Barack Obama

IF THIS DOESN"T PUT YOU OFF TWITTER NOTHING WILL

Another visual aid supplied by our good friend Somegirl. Click here

The secret word is Timesuck

EQUESTRIENNE

“What do you mean an erotic fantasy? How dare you. Get out of my way!”

THE ADVENTURES OF MARILYN (Part 6)

In which Marilyn finds herself apprehended and subject to interrogation. Wishing a little Garbo-time to herself, she exited via the main-brane point of the multiverse convergence that was concealed behind the mirror in the Roosevelt Hotel, but instead of gin, Nembutal, and a long sleep, she was immediately surrounded by men in suits and ties, and ugly women with pads and pencils. She was hustled to a suite on the seventh floor, and pushed down into a low armchair. The questions came so thick and fast that she faltered and stopped even trying to supply these people with answers. “What do you want?”
“We want information.”
“Whose side are you on?”
“We want information.”
“Who are you?”
“The new Number 2.”
“Who is Number 1?”
“You are Number 6.” Marilyn recognized this game. ”I am not a number, I am a blonde goddess.”

SINCERE FLATTERY?

This is a New York cat called Johnny B. I don’t know if he’s stolen my act but he’s definitely stolen my look.

THERE WILL NOW BE A SHORT INTERMISSION

Click here.

The secret word is Pause

MY NAME IS JERRY LEE LEWIS FROM LOUISIANA/GONNA PLAY A LITTLE BOOGIE ON THIS HERE PIANO...

I’m a bit late in getting to it but our pal Jon wrote a killer bit on seeing Jerry Lee in Nashville.

“It was immediately apparent that Jerry Lee was completely out of his mind. A bunch of indignant looking family men with dependents in tow walked out when The Killer started raving about the size of Muddy Water's dick. I think the rest of us were slack jawed with astonishment at the depraved spectacle as it unfolded. The bass player was so drunk that he kept falling flat on his face with accompanying noises when his bass hit the floor. The "band" would then stop playing to rush over and prop him up. Finally they raised the curtain behind the stage so he could lean on the cinder block wall. Classy. Once he managed to stay upright it became apparent that he was not paying attention to anything that Jerry Lee was doing.” (Click here for the full wonder.)

I’d like to think the picture (lifted from Siblingshot) is the mugshot taken after Jerry Lee rammed the gates of Graceland with his car, blind drunk and screaming that Elvis should come out and face him, but maybe he was arrested in Memphis more than just that one time.

THOSE VICIOUS BLOODY CHRISTIANS AGAIN (and it is Sunday)

The Westboro Baptist Church, known for its many "God hates fags" protests at the funerals of gay men, is taking advantage of the death of actress Natasha Richardson for more hate propaganda promotion. The church intends to protest at Richardson's funeral because she supported research for treatment and cure of AIDS.

THE FAT CAT IS HAPPY

The fat cat is happy
The fat cat has money
The fat cat need not worry
But the fat cat cannot read
He doesn’t know they are bundles of singles.

The secret word is 436174617374726f70686520 (For decoding instructions see last Friday)

WAY PAST TIME TO WISE UP

From Salon…
"In 2001, Portugal became the only EU-member state to decriminalize drugs, a distinction which continues through to the present. Last year, working with the Cato Institute, I went to that country in order to research the effects of the decriminalization law (which applies to all substances, including cocaine and heroin) and to interview both Portuguese and EU drug policy officials and analysts (the central EU drug policy monitoring agency is, by coincidence, based in Lisbon). Evaluating the policy strictly from an empirical perspective, decriminalization has been an unquestionable success, leading to improvements in virtually every relevant category and enabling Portugal to manage drug-related problems (and drug usage rates) far better than most Western nations that continue to treat adult drug consumption as a criminal offense."

Even with Obama bringing a measure of sanity to the power structure, so much arrant nonsense is still being talked about drug policy that I feel my head starting to explode. Everyone seems to forget that the vast profits in drug trafficking, that fund so much global mayhem, are created the very illegality of the product. Make it legal and they vanish. Drug legalization in the USA and Europe could be a domestic tax bonanza, and even, as an instrument of foreign policy, could stabilize both Afghanistan and Mexico. I have so much to write about all this that my other head wants to explode. But whether it will ever be published in this time of media crisis is a whole other matter.

The secret word is 4261747368697421

OR YOU COULD THROW TOMATOES AT AIG

There’s even a touch of Jackson Pollack creativity about it. (Click here)

OH NO NOT BONO

Dave Marsh has posted a searing attack on Bono on Counterpunch, which I’m linking, because I’ve never quite bought the idea of St. Bono, Savior of the Huddled Masses...

“Bono is no man of peace--he has yet to speak out against any war. Bono is part owner of Pandemic/Bioware, producers of Mercenaries 2, a video game which simulates an invasion of Venezuela. Last year Bono met with US Secretary of Defense Robert Gates to discuss plans to set up a new U.S. military command for Africa. Forbes, the magazine Bono co-owns, constantly beats the drums for war (Bono says he was attracted to the magazine because it has a “consistent philosophy”).” (Click here for the whole tirade.)

WARNING!

“We have you on radar. Identify yourself or we scramble our fighters.”

A FRIDAY PICTURE SHOW

It’s Friday (TGIF) and here’s a special program of stunning videos for your amusement. We have…

EXTREME SHEEP LED ART (Send by Noudela) Click here

SHORT WITH BETTIE PAGE Click here

INTERMISSION (Don’t miss this!) Click here

THE CAT HOUSE ON THE KING (Send by Aeswiren) Click here

And all this reminds me that one day I swear I will bring Doctube up to speed.

AND TALKING OF THINGS I HAVEN’T DONE

Regular readers will know that I have always dreamed of creating a Doc40 secret decoder ring. I once got as far as getting a quote from a manufacturer, but the minimum order was beyond our means. Now we have a this damned economy, the dream retreats further. We do, however, still have the virtual secret decoder ring with which to amuse ourselves. And here’s the secret message…

546f206563686f2054686520477261746566756c
20446561642c20224f6e6520776179206f722061
6e6f746865722e2054686973207374617276696e
67277320676f7420746f20676976652e22

(All you have to do is copy the message, click on the site, clear the box, paste the message into the box, and hit “decode.”)

The secret word is 44656d656e746961

OUR WHACKY UNCLE BILL

Uncle Bill blends with the crowd by shifting the film in the camera. It’s a trick he learned from Victor Renquist who never likes to be photographed.

GOODBYE DUBAI

“Former boomtown Dubai has suffered a sharp downturn in its property market, where prices could fall almost 40 percent this year according to a Reuters poll this week. Standard and Poor's has said Dubai's economy could shrink 2-4 percent in 2009.”

Is it unfair to feel a measure of pleasure at the news that the formerly untouchable Emerald City of the Gulf oil sheiks and their corporate henchmen is suffering – at least in some degree – the pain and uncertainty that currently afflicts the rest of us? Hell no. I’m only human. I need something to mitigate my anger and discomfort after I leaned earlier that George W(TF?) Bush has been given a $7 million advance for a book by Random House, while serious and talented writers can hardly get themselves arrested as the corporate world destroys both journalism and literature.

…so disposable, in fact, that hundreds of them are being laid off, let go, or taking horrendous pay cuts every week.

The secret word is Mutiny

BUT KOWALSKI SEZ…

“I jump for joy. It’s 1970, I’m full of speed, and driving a Dodge Challenger R/T from Denver to San Francisco at maximum warp.”

MO' BOB

At risk of going irredeemably retro, the subject of Bob Dylan has come up again. London Steve writes…

“I think we all have to accept by now that there's no way we can prevent all those songs we know and love being used in TV ads. But the real pisser is when they condense and conjoin songs so that the original verse/chorus structure is corrupted. Case in point is the new ad over here for the Co-op's fair-trade initiatives, which uses Bob's original Blowin' In The Wind. I guess Dylan thought this was a worthwhile cause, but I wonder if he knows what they've done to his song. The verse starts off, as it should, with "How many roads can a man walk down before you call him a man?/How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?" All well and good, but then some stupid fucker has decided that "cannonballs fly until they're forever banned" doesn't fit the ad's sentiments - so they've arbitrarily stuck in the "mountain exist... until it is washed to the sea" line as the last line in this verse. So it doesn't rhyme, makes no sense and pisses the hell out of every Dylan fan who hears it.”

But, in another email, Steve wonders “I'm also not sure that Dylan gives a damn one way or the other (after all, he was happy to appear in that Victoria's Secret ad, though maybe the lure there was the scantily clad woman).”

In addition, when I noted on Face Book that “The worst thing about hard times is that they can demand undignified solutions.” Valerie sent us a 1994 clip of Bob performing Dignity (in a polka dot shirt.) Click here.

The secret word is Crumb

Natasha Richardson -- RIP

HAVE A SATISFACTORY ST. PATRICK’S DAY

Blessed are the waters of the Liffey

The secret word is Fenian

THE ADVENTURES OF MARILYN (Part 2134)

In which Marilyn finds herself both outraged and distressed. Without the slightest hint of what might be coming or any suggestion of transition, she materializes seated on a bed in a less-than-luxury hotel room, next to a cyborg, drag-queen replicant of Jane Russell. The environment is, of course, total illusion, and she has no doubt that this is the work of the lizard thugees from Zeta Reticuli, but she also has no clue how to reverse the process and get the hell out of there. It wasn’t by any means the first time that she had been abducted by aliens, but the lizard thugees, who usually liked to gloat from behind the rectal probe, are refusing to show themselves, and that is much more disturbing.

(Pic supplied by Valerie)

(THE ADVENTURES OF MARILYN NOW HAS IT’S OWN PAGE SO THE WHOLE THING CAN BE READ WITHOUT SCROLLING. CLICK HERE)

SUNDAY, AND TOYS MANIFEST THEMSELVES.

Playmobile – who brought us the airport security action toy (see Doc40 February 5th) – also wants to sell the kids the concept of a private jet. Why do I think this is a Bush-era idea very seriously past it’s time.

The secret word is Yesterday

THE ROLL CALL OF WEIRD COMICS GROWS LONGER

And just the other day, I received a Barbie Collectors’ Catalogue in the mail, which surprised and confused me, and had me wondering how I got on the mailing list, because I never believed I was that kind of person.

DID YOU EVER SEE A PANDA SNEEZE?

It’s Saturday. We got through Friday 13th. It’s time for silliness. (Click here.)

OR HULDUFOLK?

The nation of Iceland, now without an economy, is concentrating on their Icelandic elves…

“The huldufólk are thought to live in another dimension, invisible to most. They build their homes inside rocks and on craggy hillsides, and they seem to favor lava formations. The port town of Hafnarfjördur, near Reykjavík, is thought to have a particularly large settlement of elves—as well as other mystical beings like dwarves (who also fit under the broad category of huldufólk). According to local clairvoyants, the huldufólk royal family lives at the base of a cliff in that town. Elf-spotting is an intergenerational phenomenon in Iceland, although more children than adults report seeing huldufólk. Indeed, it's thought that many who are born clairvoyant lose the ability after the age of 8 or so. Furthermore, it's not just Icelanders who have this capacity—theoretically, anyone, from any country, can have the power to communicate with elves. Clairvoyants see elves year-round, sometimes in their own backyards, but Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve.” (Click for more.)

The secret word is Illusion

PROLETARIAT PINUP #9

“Always remember the words of the immortal Che – ‘At the risk of seeming ridiculous, let me say that the true revolutionary is guided by a great feeling of love. It is impossible to think of a genuine revolutionary lacking this quality.’”

OUR WHACKY UNCLE BILL

Mr. Dylan comes walking through the park in his new boots. Uncle Bill decides he doesn’t want to see Mr. Dylan and uses an ancient Hopi invocation to become invisible.

And talking of Mr. Dylan, our pal Michael Simmons has posted an advance heads up on a new album on the Mojo blog. Not as exciting as it might have been in 1966, but still significant that Old Bob can keep popping out tunes. (Click here.)

TO THE SINGULARITY?

I just posted the following on Face Book…

“After just a week and half of being on Face Book, I suddenly find the format has changed. This seems to be uncomfortably like Blogger and many other online systems that also change templates and formats with what seems to be irrational abandon. My heightened sense of what’s-wrong-with-this-picture (some call it my famous paranoia) wonders if were being evaluated or softened up for something.”

SOMETIMES IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT...

...only the oblique makes sense.

The secret word is Tomorrow

AS THE WORLD GOES TO HELL IT WILL SMELL OF WILLIAM SHATNER

Our pal Lost Jimmy sent this over with the question “are these for real.” To which I can but reply, “I fear they are.”

“Genki Wear, known for its licensed science fiction jewelry and perfumes, has produced what might be the most unusual Star Trek product ever: Star Trek colognes and perfume based on the original 1960s television show. In our latest look at Trek’s big Spring Collection, TrekMovie has all the exclusive first details and images on this unique addition to the pantheon of Star Trek merchandise.”

Sadly there’s no image for this one

"Pon FarrThe most risqué titled of the new Star Trek fragrances is "Ponn Farr" which is a perfume designed to "drive him wild." It should only be used once every seven years (okay, that isn’t true). Named for the Vulcan mating ritual first introduced in the episode "Amok Time," this perfume is one of the newly designed products meant to appeal to female fans. More details and an image on Ponn Farr will be available soon." (Click here for more of this nonsense.)

Will someone please beam me out of here?

SHAMELESS EGO

Our friends at Ugly Things sent me a vintage interview that I did for Your Flesh magazine back in 1997. (When things made more sense and the future seemed viable.) Now it’s been posted on the mag’s archive site along with this rather cool picture by my friend Wendy. (Click here if you want to read it.)

The secret word is Me

...BEFORE THEY EAT YOU

“Obviously welfare is for the wealthy. We know how to handle money so much better than you six-pack peons.”

Republicans are making ugly noise all over my TV, plainly demonstrating with their discredited, free-market, Obama-must-fail, idiot babble they have absolutely no agenda except loudly and doggedly to protect the wealth of the wealthy and corporate profits. I have heard the argument “that tax cuts must be given to the rich because they are the ones who create the jobs” until my stomach turns. The rich have a Bush-era history of creating jobs. In China, India, Mexico, and the Philippines, but back in USA? Forget about it.

The secret word is Absurdity

PRIDE AND PREDATOR????

I hardly believe this, but it was in Variety…
“Elton John's Rocket Pictures hopes to make the first Jane Austen adaptation to which men will drag their girlfriends. Will Clark is set to direct "Pride and Predator," which veers from the traditional period costume drama when an alien crash lands and begins to butcher the mannered protags, who suddenly have more than marriage and inheritance to worry about.” (Click here for more.)

THE ADVICE OF THE MIGHTY MONK

“Just because you’re not a drummer doesn’t mean you don’t have to keep time.” Such are the words of the great Thelonious Sphere Monk, words good for both a band and the whole wide world. Monk wrote the above memo in 1960, which was then photographed by Steve Lacy (and sent to us by Munz.) That’s Monk who could play opposing melodies with each had. That’s Monk who swallowed a handful of acid and asked for more. That’s Monk who should be heeded.

The secret word is Fifth

...AND SINCE IT'S A BEBOP SUNDAY (and the clocks moved forward)

“So when does this economic crisis end, for fucksake?”