JONESEY AND THE XENOMORPH

For some years I have been working in semi secrecy on a book of short stories all from the point of view of cats. (Publishers take note.) The half finished collection contains tales of feral felines and mendacious moggies, but also celebrity cats. I have already written the first scene from The Godfather from the POV of the cat in Marlon’s lap, and I had planned a reworking of Alien as told Jonesey the cat but (goddamn it) author Anne Billson beat me to the punch…

“Nostromo is making hysterical hooting noises and flashing its lights on and off. This is all rather exciting, but as I’m being ferried through the passages and walkways I feel helpless, and would really rather be free to run around. Also, the can-opener is hurling herself around like nobody’s business, so it’s not a smooth journey, I can tell you. Anyhow we roll to a stop, and I can tell straightaway it’s because we’ve run slap-dab into the hairless kitten again. Only I’m not sure I can call it a kitten any more – it’s really big now. Honestly, it’s like a super-giant cat. But since it’s still only a few hours old and clearly hasn’t been housetrained and hasn’t a clue how to groom itself or behave in can-opener company, I shall continue to call it a kitten. Because, technically, that’s what it is.” (Click here for more)