LET’S ALL MAKE IT TO THE LIGHT

I lifted this image from our pals at Dangerous Minds because it seemed such a perfect summation of the corporate, TV commercial, here-comes-Santa Claus, Xmas miasma that engulfs December and almost makes us forget there ain’t no sanity clause, and what we are really doing is dancing and excessing in the pagan darkness to invoke the return of the light. And, here in the 21st century, heaven only knows we need all the light we can get. I don’t think we have ever been more on our own. No trust can be put in leaders and no hope placed in solutions other than those we devise for ourselves. The contempt of the power elite is revealed and palpable. All decency has been bent to pay of plutocrats and invested in solutions that risk the health of the planet, and all higher aspirations of humanity, in pursuit of goals that are no longer rational even in the contexts of greed and self-interest. And yet, friends and neighbours, we have a power of our own, a radical potential so strong we can surprise ourselves, if we only reach for it with a collective will and a universal mind, so we all walk out of this hard winter of discontent and make to the light united. Now let’s go get loaded and make the Mad Santas go away.

Click here for Jim, he’s always good at times like this.

The secret word is Future

YULE LOOMS BUT WE’RE STILL HERE

England freezes, Calfornia drowns, Yule looms, North and South Korea threatens all-out nuke rumble, both the Captain and the Judge leave the planet, Doc40 takes a couples of days off to reconfigure the wares – both hard and soft – plus the coming holiday supension of services and, if that wasn’t enough, just prior to the Solstice, some folks were suggesting that maybe the popular calculations of the End of Everything based on the Mayan Calendar stone were out by some two years and Reality As We Know it would totally cease last Tuesday lunchtime. But it didn’t, and here we are with little choice but to get on with it.

Click here for Penguin Whacking. Longtime readers will know it’s a Doc40 midwinter tradition.

Click here for an Xmas Edition of Simon’s cat.

Click here for a Dixie fried Elvis

The secret word is Pudding

BUT EVEN AT XMAS, SOME PROBLEMS JUST CAN’T BE POSTPONED

The moral of the tale would seem to be “never lust after a plastic pipe.”

"REMOVAL OF A LONG PVC PIPE STRANGULATED IN THE PENIS BY HOT-MELT METHOD.
Penile incarceration for erotic or autoerotic purposes has “Introduction. been reported in a wide range of age groups, and often presents a significant challenge to urologic surgeons. No ready method has been reported for removing a polyvinylchloride (PVC) pipe entrapped on the penis. We present our experience in using hot-melt method to remove a constricted PVC pipe on the penis. A long melting split was made on the Methods. PVC pipe entrapped on the penis by using the long narrow branch of forceps heated on a gas stove. The heated forceps was able to make a split on the PVC pipe. The PVC pipe was removed by pulling the edges of the pipe apart without much difficulty. The total operation time was 20 Penile incarceration is a urologic emergency, and resourcefulness is required in some unexpected cases. Hot-melting has proved to be an easy and effective method for removing penile strangulation by a PVC pipe. To our knowledge, it is the first report about the removal of PVC pipe entrapped on a penis.”

MARILYN SEZ...

“Why do I put myself in such wholly absurd and undignified situations for the amusement of idiots?”
(Image provide by the Yuletide Valerie)

I THINK I’D RATHER GO BY TRAIN

Seemingly a new generation of airport security devices is almost upon us, and these would appear to be a first set towards electronic mind-reading devices. I idly ask myself what other questions, over and above “are you a terrorist”, their operators might take it on themselves to ask.

“Suspect Detection Systems is essentially an automatic polygraph. It consists of a booth in which the passenger sits, wearing headphones and responds to questions that are both spoken and appear on a screen. Sensors record data ranging from the skin's electrical conductivity to movement, both from the eyes and from the subject's left hand, which rests in a special cradle. The subject facing automatic interrogation doesn't even have to answer the machine's yes/no questions in order to record a response, and some of those questions will be very basic: 'Are you involved in terrorist activity?' or, 'Are you carrying explosives?' 'Suicide terrorists aren't scared of dying,' says Drukman, 'but they are scared of being caught. That gives us the hook.' SDS's detector depends on the fact that physical responses to such questions, aggregated and analysed by a computerised algorithm, are involuntary. Most subjects will be cleared after just one minute. A small minority will face more questions lasting a further five to seven minutes, following which the machine will decide whether they should be cleared or be interrogated by humans. The booths also record passport and other ID information, which can be stored.” (Click here for the full story)

Click here for Tapper Zukie

The secret word is Abject

ALL THE FUN OF THE FEST

The BBC documentary Festival Britannia, in which I contribe some choice remarks, is now up on YouTube thanks to our pal Butlin Cat. Click here

THE FROZDICK FAMILY (Colour Special)

“Beatrice Frozdick had the ability to turn white rabbits green.”
(Image from DBT)

SUNDAY BREAKFAST

The picture by Lee Sobell reminded me that I’ve known a lot of diners but there never was a diner like Dave’s Luncheonette on Canal Street in Lower Manhattan. Just around the corner from the punk and post-punk Mudd Club, its 24 hour red Rexene and stainless steel could play host to one weirdass selection of clientele around six am on any given Sunday – well beyond the imaginings of Edward Hopper (or maybe even Dennis Hopper.) Cops and junkies, all night girls a long way from the D Train, boys in smeared lipstick, debutantes in torn skirts, drunks eating off the alcohol or early hangovers, hungry freaks, sanitation workers on a break, mailmen on the way to work, alien lifeforms, and characters you wouldn’t even want to categorize, all consuming strong coffee, spigot Coke, and greasy heart-stopping fare as through their lives depended on it. Which was sometimes the literal truth.

Click here for Big Eyed Beans From Venus

The secret words are Egg Cream

MARILYN SEZ...

“Out here in the fields, I fight for my meals.”  

JEFF JONES ON SUNDAY