“KILL ‘EM ALL! IT’S GOOD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT!”

It was Joseph Stalin who offered the cynicism that “one death is a tragedy; one million is a statistic.” What he didn’t add was that 40 million deaths could be an ecological bonanza. Our pal Wendy sent us this story but with the caveat that it comes from the UK Daily Mail.

“Genghis Khan has been branded the greenest invader in history - after his murderous conquests killed so many people that huge swathes of cultivated land returned to forest. The Mongol leader, who established a vast empire between the 13th and 14th centuries, helped remove nearly 700million tons of carbon from the atmosphere, claims a new study. The deaths of 40million people meant that large areas of cultivated land grew thick once again with trees, which absorb carbon dioxide from the atmosphere. And, although his methods may be difficult for environmentalists to accept, ecologists believe it may be the first ever case of successful manmade global cooling. ‘It's a common misconception that the human impact on climate began with the large-scale burning of coal and oil in the industrial era,’ said Julia Pongratz, who headed the research by the Carnegie Institution's Department of Global Ecology. ‘Actually, humans started to influence the environment thousands of years ago by changing the vegetation cover of the Earth's landscapes when we cleared forests for agriculture,’ she told Mongabay.com. The 700million tons of carbon absorbed as a result of the Mongol empire is about the same produced in a year from the global use of petrol.” (Click here for more.)

The secret word is Warts

VOCATIONAL AID?

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DOC'S PAPERBACK CLASSIC'S # 86

HUNGRY BEAR SWIMS 400 MILES

I know the bear would probably consider me a potential snack, but reports like this just depress the hell out of me.

“A polar bear swam continuously for over nine days, covering 687km (426 miles), a new study has revealed. Scientists studying bears around the Beaufort sea, north of Alaska, claim this endurance feat could be a result of climate change. Polar bears are known to swim between land and sea ice floes to hunt seals. But the researchers say that increased sea ice melts push polar bears to swim greater distances, risking their own health and future generations. In their findings, published in Polar Biology, researchers from the US Geological Survey reveal the first evidence of long distance swimming by polar bears (Ursus maritimus). "This bear swam continuously for 232 hours and 687 km and through waters that were 2-6 degrees C," says research zoologist George M. Durner. "We are in awe that an animal that spends most of its time on the surface of sea ice could swim constantly for so long in water so cold. It is truly an amazing feat." (Click here for more)

The secret word is Endurance

UTAH HAS A STATE FIREARM

I’ve always been a fan of the 1911. It was, of course, a favored weapon of Mike Hammer, The Phantom, and the Wild Bunch. But isn’t this both tasteless and a little absurd?

“The House Political Subdivisions Committee passed out favorably a bill to make the Browning M1911 semi-automatic pistol as Utah's official firearm. The bill sponsored by Rep. Carl Wimmer, R-Herriman, was brought before the committee on the day designated by Gov. Gary Herbert as John M. Browning Day. Browning was a Utah native in the late 1800s who started the Browning Gun company and is seen to many in the Legislature as one of the great Utahns in history. "John M. Browning has single-handedly saved more lives on the battlefield than any other person," said Rep. Stephen Sandstrom, R-Orem. Even though the bill passed with a 9-2 favorable vote, there were still some in the audience who felt that adopting a semi-automatic gun as a state symbol wasn't the right thing to do at this time.”

Click here for MC5

THE TIMES THEY ARE A’ CHANGING

THIS IS SHAPING UP TO BE A GOOD DAY FOR REALLY BAD IDEAS

Umm…okay…the synopsis reads…

“Energy catastrophe has struck worldwide! Massive oil spills, nuclear meltdowns and more leave us desperate for viable energy sources to rebuild global society and technology. Inspired by a little tea party, Sarah Palin hits upon the answer: steam power! She begins the “Steam Initiative”, touting geothermal energy as the cure for what ails ya. The heads of Big Oil and Nuclear Power are less than happy with this trend, and they send their agents to do in the Rogue Republican. Luckily, she comes prepared with a set of steam-powered armor! (Standard equipment, don’cha know.)”

I suppose this book is perversely collectable but I really can’t imagine anyone seriously reading the damn thing. It could, however, maybe mark the last gasp near-demise of steampunk as a worked out genre.

CHRIS HEDGES STICKS IT TO THE LIBERALS

Our pal Chris Hedges at Truthdig can always be counted on to take the hard road and the uncompromising approach.

“Barack Obama is another stock character in the cyclical political theater embraced by the liberal class. Act I is the burst of enthusiasm for a Democratic candidate who, through clever branding and public relations, appears finally to stand up for the interests of citizens rather than corporations. Act II is the flurry of euphoria and excitement. Act III begins with befuddled confusion and gnawing disappointment, humiliating appeals to the elected official to correct "mistakes," and pleading with the officeholder to return to his or her true self. Act IV is the thunder and lightning scene. Liberals strut across the stage in faux moral outrage, delivering empty threats of vengeance. And then there is Act V. This act is the most pathetic. It is as much farce as tragedy. Liberals-frightened back into submission by the lunatic fringe of the Republican Party or the call to be practical-begin the drama all over again. We are now in Act IV, the one where the liberal class postures like the cowardly policemen in "The Pirates of Penzance." Liberals promise battle. They talk of glory and honor. They vow not to abandon their core liberal values. They rouse themselves, like the terrified policemen who have no intention of fighting the pirates, with the bugle call of "Tarantara!" This scene is the most painful to watch. It is a window into how hollow, vacuous and powerless liberals and liberal institutions including labor, the liberal church, the press, the arts, universities and the Democratic Party have become. They fight for nothing. They stand for nothing. And at a moment when we desperately need citizens and institutions willing to stand up against corporate forces for the core liberal values, values that make a democracy possible, we get the ridiculous chatter and noise of the liberal class.” (Click here for more)

Click here for Third World War

The secret word is Revolting

MSNBC STICKS IT TO THE LIBERALS

As it starts to emerge that outspoken liberal MSNBC news anchor Keith Olbermann was, in fact, a victim of the Comcast/NBC merger, I start to feel more and more comfortable that I’m away from the 24 hour cable news cycle. Back when I lived in LA, I’d take an afternoon break at around 5.00 to watch Olbermann and then Rachel Maddow. With Olbermann gone, I can only guess how long the openly gay Maddow will last under the new corporate masters. As Marketwatch tells it the field may be being cleared for all Fox all the time…

“Comcast is likely using Olbermann, who turns 52 a day before the Comcast takeover of MSNBC is completed later this week, as an example that it won’t tolerate an employee who shows up the owner. Cable news today is a Wild West where opinion and political bias shift from channel to channel. Viewers can get any point of view they seek from one network or another. Though Comcast is likely to pay his successor significantly less than the millions a major television personality such as Olbermann commands and though it’s not known for throwing around big bucks unnecessarily, the ouster of the onetime ESPN anchor is no slam-dunk victory for the cable giant. The new owner is likely to attract its fair share of negative publicity. Olbermann’s supporters — and there are plenty of them — will insist that Comcast sacked him because it had no stomach for his finger-in-the-eye brand of journalism.”

Click here for Nazi TV

HILLBILLY HEAVEN

All that a slack-jawed yokel needs is a banjo, some crystal meth, a few oxycontin, and maybe a couple of tourists out of whom he can scare the living shit. (But when did you last hear a hillbilly say “whom”?) If should also be more than enough for a... 

BAD NIGHT IN BEDROCK

Lifted from Adam Gorightly

THE GODZILLA SCHEMATIC 1

Which I guess will serve as both an excellent piece of cultural trivia and an adequate Monday morning metaphor for a slow grey day when my brain – and therefore my imagination – refuses to be kick-started into routine hyperactivity, and a sense of isolation grips me that is only heightened by conversations with a recalcitrant feline who is determinedly shredding old magazines destined for recycling, but will later claim that he’s both hungry and late for a nap. I guess all this is an excuse for why today may be singularly lacking in the profound and the fury. (Although “The Godzilla Schematic” is a great title for something.)

Click here for Godzilla 2012

The secret phrase is You Fucked With The Wrong Lizard

THE GODZILLA SCHEMATIC 2

Of course, if you really want to know what powers the King of the Monsters, the truth so prosaic – an creatively athletic geezer in a rubber suit – we may have to seek refuge in the retro erotic.

GRATUITOUS JULIE NEWMAR

THE FROZDICK FAMILY

Fyodor Frozdick liked to measure Elvis.

AND FINALLY AN ALTERNATIVE REASON WHY THE DAY MIGHT BE PROVING SO APATHETIC

SUNDAY BREAKFAST

While waiting to find what the fuck really went down with Keith Olbermann, I may have invented a cocktail. It’s something I played around with many years ago and only recently returned to when I started to worry that, partially due to my illogical fondness for Coca Cola, I was getting far too much sugar in my diet. The recipe is fairly simple. You take a tall highball glass and add…

One part Campari
One part Vodka
Dash of pure lemon juice
A great deal of ice
And fill the glass with soda water and garnish with a slice of orange.

I’ve heard that’s there’s something somewhat similar that’s called a Red Russian, but the too painfully obvious name for my version could only be one thing. That’s right folks, it’s a…Pink Fairy.

The secret word is Groan

THE NAME HAS A CERTAIN LOGIC

Click here

MARILYN SEZ...

“Is the pig on the wing or the wing on the pig?”

GENTRIFICATION IN ACTION (Before…

St. Marks and Ave A, hard by Tompkins Square Park. This was where I hung out when I lived in Manhattan.

…and after)

But the prospect of this drove me to California. This comes from a website called Vanishing New York.

DON'T YOU MISS THE 20TH CENTURY?

Click here for Madonna

MORE ON THE SECOND SUN

Our pal Aeswiren who always has an excellent command of the facts writes that, even if the Betelgeuse event we talked about yesterday does occur, we will hardly be getting the twin suns of Tatooine

There's lots wrong with this "two suns" stuff.
1/ Betelgeuse is between 430-520 light years away.
2/ At that distance the Super Nova will certainly be very bright, as bright or brighter than the full moon... but it will still be a point source.
A really evil looking glow centered on something you couldn't look at-- a blinding ultra-violet "star". The spectrum for this will be jammed up in the blue white to gamma corner. The contrast with our friendly old yellow sun will be extreme. A genial old gent at the bar, suddenly jostled by a mad, bug eyed, crazed speed freak with just days to live, busily chewing his own tongue off.

Click here for The Velvet Underground

The secret word is Doomed

THIS SHIT MUST STOP

Yes, the bastards are killing wolves again.

"After traveling more than 1,000 miles from her Montana home, a female wolf from the Mill Creek pack (known as 314F), met a horrific fate in Colorado -- illegally poisoned by the deadly Compound 1080. Plagued with convulsions, dizziness and unbearable pain, her journey ended in a terrible death on a lonely Colorado road. But sadly, she is not alone. Compound 1080 -- one of the most lethal toxins known to humankind -- and sodium cyanide collectively kill thousands of coyotes every year. And often, these deadly poisons don't reach their intended targets, killing imperiled wildlife -- and even domestic dogs -- instead. EPA is deciding whether to allow the continued use of these deadly chemicals to kill wildlife. Take action now! Urge the Environmental Protection Agency to ban the use of Compound 1080 and sodium cyanide to prevent the poisoning of wildlife struggling to survive." Click here to help

ALL ABOUT ME

Vice magazine currently carries an interview with me about my book Speed-Speed-Speedfreak. Some of it seems a little disjoined. It was conducted back in LA and I think I may have been a little high at the time. It also seems to have annoyed a few people who think you have to be an academic to write about drugs. Click here.

GRATUITOUS FAITHFULL

THIS COULD DRIVE THEM TOTALLY ROUND THE TWIST

The idea that a second sun just might show up in the sky in 2012 fills me with a really unpleasant delight. A second sun on top of all the other dire predictions of apocalypse in December of next year – from the Mayans to Terence McKenna – could knock fundamentalists of all kinds clean off their plinths, and the world of humanity might even collapse in an orgy of irrational superstition. (I mean, imagine Sarah Palin running for President and then a second sun shows up. Boggle is hardly the word.) Our pal Wendy sent over the story. The only problem is that this Huffpo report was lifted from news.com.au, and the tabloid writer seemed to be having major problems understanding exactly what he or she was being told.

“Earth could be getting a second sun, at least temporarily. Dr. Brad Carter, Senior Lecturer of Physics at the University of Southern Queensland, outlined the scenario to news.com.au. Betelgeuse, one of the night sky's brightest stars, is losing mass, indicating it is collapsing. It could run out of fuel and go super-nova at any time. When that happens, for at least a few weeks, we'd see a second sun, Carter says. There may also be no night during that timeframe. The Star Wars-esque scenario could happen by 2012, Carter says... or it could take longer. The explosion could also cause a neutron star or result in the formation of a black hole 1300 light years from Earth. But doomsday sayers should be careful about speculation on this one. If the star does go super-nova, Earth will be showered with harmless particles, according to Carter. "They will flood through the Earth and bizarrely enough, even though the supernova we see visually will light up the night sky, 99 per cent of the energy in the supernova is released in these particles that will come through our bodies and through the Earth with absolutely no harm whatsoever." In fact, a neutrino shower could be beneficial to Earth. According to Carter this "star stuff" makes up the universe. "It literally makes things like gold, silver - all the heavy elements - even things like uranium....a star like Betelgeuse is instantly forming for us all sorts of heavy elements and atoms that our own Earth and our own bodies have from long past supernovi."

Click here for Pink Floyd

The secret word is Turmoil

THINK ABOUT IT…

Or click here

DON'T YOU MISS THE 20TH CENTURY?

MARILYN SEZ...

“Get ready for the lawsuits, darling.”

And why does she say that? Just see what the Financial Times is reporting, gentle reader…

“Marilyn Monroe’s name and likeness will soon appear on lingerie, curling irons and handbags. On Thursday, the rights to the late film star’s image changed hands, with Authentic Brands Group, which manages the estate of reggae star Bob Marley, and NECA, an entertainment and merchandising company, acquiring the rights from Ms Monroe’s estate. Anna Strasberg, the administrator of the estate, will stay on as a minority partner. Jamie Salter, chief executive of Authentic Brands Group, called Ms Monroe “the most iconic personality in the world”. “Everyone aspires to be Marilyn Monroe,” he said. “Madonna, Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, they all do.” Ms Monroe’s name did not appear on Forbes’ list of the top-earning dead celebrities last year, but sources close to the estate say it earned between $4m and $5m in the past year. The terms of the sale were not disclosed. However, people close to the deal said the new owners paid roughly six times annual revenues, which they said was the industry average for intellectual property rights for deceased celebrities, suggesting the price was in the range of $30m. “There’s a few brands that remain iconic and international and you’ve got to have both,” said Michael Sukin, a music industry lawyer who has worked with the estates of dead stars. “Marilyn is one, Bob Marley is another, and Elvis is probably the biggest of all.” Mr Salter said he would be aggressive in marketing Ms Monroe’s image, saying he would focus on merchandise including handbags, shoes and home care products.”

And then comes the real dubious sting in the tail of the story…

“He also said he was open to using computer animation to insert her image into new films.”

Click here for rare Marilyn videos (before they’re pulled off YouTube?)

The secret word is Violation

THE FROZDICK FAMILY

Uncle Ernie Frozdick did little to conceal his Goofy fetish.

TIME TRAVEL IS POSSIBLE?

That’s what they claim in this story from MrMR.

“Physicists at the University of Queensland in Australia claim to have discovered time teleportation no flux capacitors involved: Just like quantum physics allows for teleportation in space, they say that the same is possible in time. Time Travel to... the future! Now, hold on to your plutonium-proof underpants. This doesn't mean we are going to the 24-and-a-half century driving Mr. Fusion-powered DeLoreans. Their discovery shows that entangled quantum particles can travel into the future without actually being present during the time between now and the future. Before, we knew that quantum teleportation works in space. Two identical particles at different locations are linked in such a way that, when you change the state of one, the other one instantly changes in exactly the same way, no matter how many miles or light-years are between them. This is a phenomenon that defies our understanding of reality, and it just got even more complex with this discovery. University of Queensland's scientists Jay Olson and Timothy Ralph claim that the quantum entanglement is a fundamental part of the universe, and it works both in space and time, so changing the state of particle today instantly changes the same particle in the future, even while the particle will not exist between those two points.” Confused? Click here for more.

GRATUITOUS MARLON

WHISKY IN THE CAN?

This qualifies as a total anathema to a man who even insists that his beer comes in glass bottles…

“It is a sight that will have whisky connoisseurs spluttering into their drink – a dram in a can. A Panama-based company believes outdoor drinkers would prefer to crack open a tin rather than lug round a bottle of their favourite tipple. Now bosses at Scottish Spirits – which retains an office in Glasgow – is testing out the novelty on its Caribbean and South American markets. But last night the Scotch Whisky Association said it would try to ban the cans for breaching international labelling rules. A spokesman for the body said: ‘We are concerned that consumers may be confused whether or not the product is real Scotch and we will be investigating the matter further.’ Scottish Spirits launched the tins last week, the first time straight whisky has been sold in a can. Chief executive Manish Panshal said: ‘We are really thrilled with the idea – it’s going to be a part of every lifestyle and occasion.” (Click here for more)

Click here for me

The secret word is Legless

CUTE

National Geographic tells is all this interesting scientific stuff, but Doc40 is really running the pic because it’s just too adorable to pass up…

“The golden snub-nosed monkey is one of five related species-remnants of once widespread populations whose ranges were squeezed by climate change after the last ice age. Enduring groups, living in territorial bands that can top 400 animals, are being squeezed again by logging, human settlement, and hunters wanting meat, bones (said to have medicinal properties), and luxurious fur. Many have been pushed into high-altitude isolation, where they leap across branches, traverse icy rivers, and weather long winters at nearly 10,000 feet, shielded by that coveted coat. About 20,000 of the golden variety remain on Earth. Some 4,000 inhabit the mountainous region where Chinese officials set up the Zhouzhi National Nature Reserve to protect the species.”

NOT CUTE

Yeah, yeah, give ‘em guns and canned scotch and really see the undergraduate fun begin…

“Arizona Republicans remain adamant that the shooting will not dissuade them from pushing their pro-gun agenda. They want new laws allowing college and university faculty members to be able to carry concealed weapons on campus, an issue that gained attention after the 2007 shooting at Virginia Tech University. Only Utah has a law allowing concealed weapons on college campuses while 24 states have bans, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures. Sen. Jack Harper, a Republican sponsoring the campus-carry measures, said he didn't want to be seen as trying to take advantage of the Tucson tragedy by citing it as reason to support his legislation, but he said it was vital, given the deadly shootings on university campuses and the Arizona Board of Regents' policy banning guns. The board oversees the state's schools. "University professors are tired of feeling like sitting ducks,"

DOC'S PAPERBACK CLASSIC'S # 85

THIS BLOG IS STILL PROTECTED BY...

OPIUM EMPIRES

The next time you hear War On Drugs jargon about “evil drug kingpins” and even the tired classic “narco-terrorism” cast your mind to this snippet from our pals at Delancey Place.

"Franklin's grandfather Warren Delano had for years skulked around [China's] Pearl River Delta dealing drugs. Delano had run offices in Canton and Hong Kong. During business hours, Chinese criminals would pay him cash and receive an opium chit. At night, Scrambling Crabs - long, sleek, heavily armed crafts - rowed out into the Pearl River Delta to Delano's floating warehouses, where they received their Jesus opium under the cover of darkness. The profits were enormous, and at his death Delano left his daughter Sara a fortune that she lavished on her only son.
The Delanos were not alone. Many of New England's great families made their fortunes dealing drugs in China. The Cabot family of Boston endowed Harvard with opium money, while Yale's famous Skull and Bones society was funded by the biggest American opium dealers of them all - the Russell family. The most famous landmark on the Columbia University campus is the Low Memorial Library, which honors Abiel Low, a New York boy who made it big in the Pearl River Delta and bankrolled the first cable across the Atlantic. Princeton University's first big benefactor, John Green, sold opium in the Pearl River Delta with Warren Delano.
The list goes on and on: Boston's John Murray Forbes's opium profits financed the career of transcendentalist Ralph Waldo Emerson and bankrolled the Bell Telephone Company. Thomas Perkins founded America's first commercial railroad and funded the Boston Athenaeum. These wealthy and powerful drug-dealing families combined to create dynasties." James Bradley – The Imperial Cruise (Back Bay)

Click here for Elvis

The secret word is Pipe

FIVE YEARS TO THE CLONED MAMMOTH

This story came from io9. What next we ask? T-Rex and raptors?

"Dr. Akira Iritani has announced that he is going to produce a living woolly mammoth baby by 2016. Although past efforts to clone mammoth tissue have failed due to the degradation of what small amount of tissue we have. Most of it has been frozen and partially decayed, leaving nothing suitable for cloning. Dr. Iritani is hopeful, though, due to a relatively new technique he hopes to use. It is based on a technique that successfully cloned a mouse from tissue that had been frozen for sixteen years. That pales in comparison to the thousands of years that mammoth DNA has been frozen, but it does give a glimmer of hope. For the cloning to go forward, Dr. Iritani will need a number of relatively hard-to-get things. First and foremost, he'll need a piece of frozen mammoth tissue at least three centimeters square from a Russian lab. He'll need the ova of an African elephant to inject the tissue into, and the elephant itself to carry the little mammoth baby to maturity. He'll also need a great deal of research done. The mammoth isn't around anymore for a reason, and if that reason includes environmental reasons, it will be a challenge to keep a baby mammoth alive. There will also be plenty of debate about whether or not to display it, keep it in a private facility, or even figure out how to breed it. Most of all, he'll need to keep to a tight schedule. The rate of successful cloning of mundane animals like cattle is only 30 percent, and the mammoth will have a gestation period of over a year and a half. That means Dr. Iritani will have only a little over two years to unfreeze the DNA, fertilize the egg, and knock up an elephant. The clock is ticking.

Click here for Toy Dolls (do yourself a favor, watch these maniacs)

DON'T YOU MISS THE 20TH CENTURY?

PAC-MAN WITH REAL LIVE MICROORGANISMS

Our pal Faux Smoke sent over this piece of weird which has a definite air of fucked-upness about it. One wonders when the paramecia might turn on us.

"Scientists have remade Pac-Man using paramecia—microorganisms that you can control with a real joystick while a digital microscope relays images to a computer screen. They call it "Pac-Mecium" and it is not the only game they are playing. The user control the paramecium by just moving the joystick, which is connected to a controller that "controls the polarity of a mild electrical field applied across the fluid chamber, which influences the direction the paramecia move." I wonder how they make Pac-Mecium turn into super-Pac-Mecium. And who is chasing the poor Pac-Mecium, anyway? Evil amoebas?" (Click here for more)

Click here for Dave Berry

The secret word is Unwise

LSD 1950's STYLE

The wonderful Wendy who gave us yesterday’s item on UFO hunting also sent this…

“The researcher, Dr. Sidney Cohen, was dosing volunteers at the Veteran's Administration Hospital in Los Angeles. Aldous Huxley, who first tried mescaline in 1953 and wrote about it in his seminal book, The Doors of Perception, got Gerald Heard interested in the spiritual potential of psychedelic drugs.” (Click here for more)

Click here for the video

DUCK NOIR

Click here for the 1945 origin of Jessica Rabbit

GRATUITOUS SUSANNAH YORK

SUNDAY BREAKFAST

No, I’m not fasting, losing weight, or starving for my art (although that might come). It’s just one of those Sunday mornings when it seems staying in bed might well be the best policy. Although I know I’ll be up before sunset. If I don’t see the light of day, I start to feel like a degenerate and we can’t have that, can we?

Click here for Dolly Parton

The secret word is Fretful

Susannah York – RIP

MARILYN SEZ...

“Give the man some more pills.”

THE HORROR, THE HORROR

(Clip by Munz)

UFO HUNTING WITH GOOGLE

Our pal Wendy sent us over this source of amusement for a slow Sunday in mid-January.

“Thanks to technology like Google Maps, we can all achieve a clear birds-eye-view of the secret facility conveniently linked with user-submitted telephoto images supplying a ground level perspective. Now anyone with a smart phone can be treated to an unobstructed view into the secret military installation that — officially — doesn't even exist. The base at Groom Lake, sometimes referred to as "The Dreamland Resort," has been used by the Air Force since WWII as a testing ground for all kinds of experimental aircraft. However, the government only tacitly acknowledges the facility's very existence. The airspace over the area is restricted and the perimeter is littered with signs warning that "photography is prohibited" and the "use of deadly force is authorized." Theories range from reverse engineering of the crashed UFO at Roswell to the setting of actual intergalactic sit-downs with visiting extraterrestrials. The conspiracy factory has been further energized by local reports of unusual phenomenon spotted in the skies over the area.” (Click here for more)