"Do we look like the kind of girls who’d fuck Lemmy?"

LEMMY TOPS MAGIC BUT DON’T BEAT JACK
The following comes from Betsy with – I surmise – a considerable lading of irony...

Maxim's Top 10 Living Legends of Sex - and the number of women they are alleged to have slept with:
10. Bill Wyman (Rolling Stones bassist) - 1,000
9. Earvin (Magic) Johnson (basketball star) - 1,000
8. Lemmy Kilmister (Motorhead frontman) - 1,200
7. Jack Nicholson (actor) - 2,000
6. Ilie Nastase (tennis star) - 2,500
5. Engelbert Humperdinck (singer) - 3,000
4. Julio Iglesias (singer) - 3,000
3. Gene Simmons (Kiss frontman) - 4,600
2. Charlie Sheen (actor) - 5,000
1. Umberto Billo (Venetian hotel porter) - 8,000

Okay, so that’s the kind of stuff you expect in Maxim, but since the mag is owned by one of my oldest, dearest and richest friends, I won’t belabor the point, but imagine my surprise when I saw the name another old comrade right there on the list. My one time song-writing partner and up-all-week amphetamine buddy Lemmy Kilmister was there at number eight, immediately below Jack Nicholson. I figure the list can only have been based on the boasting of those listed, but, in Lemmy’s case, I totally believe him. Many a time I have seen the man leave a perfectly viable drunken brawl or paranoid fantasy to get himself blown by some pinwheeling distaff damage case. That was just the way he was and good luck to the both of them. My only reservation is to wonder if a gentleman should really keep count, and, if you spend that much of your time engaged in casual fucking, how the hell you have time to do the math?

The secret word is Hump

CRYPTIQUE – Happiness is a warm poppy.

HERE WE GO AGAIN?
An email arrived headed "Carriers En Route To The Gulf" and containing the link below. At first I got a weird access forbidden screen, and then an alarming news report of a impending attack on Iran. So, fellow paranoids, click if you dare and see what you get...

http://www.rawstory.com/news/2006/US_military_seen_ready_for_Iran_0511.html

Like we say in the writing game, it's deadline or breadline.

DAMN!
Just as I was getting back into the swing of near-daily blogging, the need to work excessively hard blindsided me. Clearly our current system of government by total implausibility is causing me alternate amusement and vexation, sometimes both in the same hour, but I also seem to be attempting write my way out of emotional trauma – with some debate about whether this is healthy – and, need I say, I also need the money, since tragedy in America, like everything else, is exceedingly costly. Thus all I really have to offer today – except excuses for all the unanswered email – is new piece in LA CityBeat on the mythological downfall of the both FEMA and the CIA -- more on Dusty Foggo. (Oh yeah, and someone from NORML says really nice things about me on the letters page.)
http://lacitybeat.com/article.php?id=3779&IssueNum=154

Fortunately aeswiren has sent a link to a fascinating piece on drug fatalities. While kinda academic and focusing mainly on ecstacy and speed, if you scroll down, it does show some fascinating actuarial tables that indicate the smoking marijuana is about a dangerous as playing Monopoly, but the risk of LSD is the same as falling out of bed.
http://www.drugtext.org/library/articles/newcombe.htm

And our pal hipspinster has a new blog about a visit to Doc’s house and the healing power of punk.
http://hipspinster.blogspot.com/

And for those who like this sort of thing, here’s a bunch of theorizing on prehistoric nuclear warfare. http://www.nexusmagazine.com/articles/ancatomicwar1.html

And since a whole bunch of new readers seem to have arrived from a site called Freepint, who also say nice things about me, I feel duty bound to return the favor. (I mean, where I come from, a free pint's a free pint. (http://www.freepint.com/issues/180506.htm

The secret word Traction

WHAT ME WORRY?
No, I haven’t gone back into to hiding, although there have been moments when the temptation has been quite powerful. The reality was that I spent most of the weekend engaged in considerable domestic reorganization, which gave me time – while filing and bagging and dumping, and moving desks and bookcases, and reorganizing all the wiring, that goes with such things – to attempt to wrap my aching head around what the fuck is going on. I mean, on Friday, the FBI raided the CIA. Shall I say it again? The FBI raided the CIA! Not even The X-Files every came up with that kinda of scenario. And now Bush wants to send troops that he hasn’t got to defend the Southern Border. This is fucking insanity. Who’s advising the fool now? Michelle Malkin? Okay, so back in the Reagan era there was that hoo-ha about the Sandinistas invading Texas, but Reagan never actually did anything about it except to keep on supporting the Contra cocaine trade. If this house of cards isn’t collapsing, entropy is sure gnawing on the hubris.

The secret word is Duh

It’s never easy for a superhero when his teen-boy sidekick start shooting up. But weren’t Green Arrow and Green Lantern more than lame enough to drive anyone to serious narcotics?

MO DRUG WAR
In this week’s LA CityBeat, I have not one, but two drug related pieces. The first on the FDA’s absurd statement that marijuana has no medical value...
http://lacitybeat.com/article.php?id=3729&IssueNum=153#

And also a more fanciful musing on the possible Mexican legalization of the personal stash...
http://lacitybeat.com/article.php?id=3737&IssueNum=153

The secret word is Psychotropic

And dare we hope Boss Goodman might be on the mend? (Check "bulletins")
http://www.mannorak.com/index.htm

DON’T YOU JUST ADORE THE DRUG WAR?
The following news report fell from the trailer park blue without attribution...
"Authorities say about 40 people were evacuated from a Walgreens after a methamphetamine laboratory was found in the trunk of a car in the store's parking lot. Sheriff officials say 45-year-old Michael Wright, 19-year-old Jodie Duncan and 31-year-old Jeremie Messer, all of Ashland, Alabama were arrested. They are charged with conspiracy to manufacture meth, unlawful possession of listed chemicals and marijuana possession. Authorities got a tip that the group was visiting several drug stores buying cold medicine, which is used to make meth. On the other hand, the drive-thru traffic was moving at a rather brisk pace."

In the matter of Captain America, someone at Marvel seems to have been so star at cooperating with the FBI that they forgot how Cap. A himself was a drug created creature, having been transformed from scrawny arts major Steve Rogers by injections of the Super Soldier Serum developed by Dr. Emil Erskine, that had driven earlier test subjects violently insane.

The secret word is Higher

QUOTE OF THE LAST MILLENNIUM
"There is nothing more difficult to plan, more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to manage than the creation of a new system. For the initiator has the enmity of all who would profit by the preservation of the old system and merely lukewarm defenders in those who would gain by the new one." -Machiavelli, 1513

AND FINALLY SOME FUN...
sent by gilfane (turn on your speakers)
http://vadeodd.ytmnd.com/

I SO WISH I’D WRITTEN THIS
It’s long but I was laughing my ass off. And wishing I’d put it together...

STEPHEN COLBERT WAS NOT FUNNY
By Dave V. (edited slightly by RM)
Stephen Colbert was not funny.
Helen Thomas is old and batty.
Mexicans are taking our jobs.
Iraq sent its WMDs to Syria.
Democrats don't want to wiretap terrorists.
Joe Wilson admitted that Valerie Plame wasn't covert.
Tom DeLay is like Jesus Christ.
Karl Rove has a faulty memory.
Scooter Libby has a faulty memory.
No one could have anticipated that the levees would be breached.
We do not torture.
There is no global warming.
There is global warming, but humans aren't causing it.
Howard Dean can't raise money.
John Kerry is a flip-flopper.
George W. Bush is a decider.
John McCain is a straight shooter.
Dick Cheney is a sober shooter.
Nobody at the White House knows Jack Abramoff.
Democrats do.
The economy is doing great.
Evolution isn't supported by the facts.
Diebold voting machines are secure.
Fox News is fair and balanced.
Mission accomplished.
Bill Clinton did it too.
No one could have anticipated the Iraqi insurgency.
The budget deficit will be cut in half in four years.
Anyone who thinks Dubai shouldn't control our ports is racist.
No one who thinks we should build a wall along the Mexican border is racist.
George Allen isn't a racist . . . anymore.
Terry Schiavo wants to live.
Andrea Clark wants to die.
We've turned a corner in Iraq.
There is a war on Christmas.
There is a war on Easter.
There is no civil war in Iraq.
The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa.
Bush won Florida in 2000.
Losing by 2 million votes in 2000 is a mandate.
This administration will hold itself accountable.
Brownie did a heck of a job.
Kathleen Blanco never asked for federal help.
Ray Nagin should have used the buses.
Gay couples seek to destroy marriage.
Man existed alongside the dinoraurs.
The earth is 6,000 years old.
America is a Christian nation.
George W. Bush is a Christian man.
George W. Bush is a great guy to have a beer with.
George W. Bush is a war hero. John Kerry isn't.
John Kerry outed Mary Cheney.
John Kerry shot himself in the leg to earn his medals.
Al Gore thinks he invented the Internet. Franklin D. Roosevelt was a communist and a terrible president.
Ronald Reagan was the best president in history.
Hillary Clinton will be the Dem nominee in 2008.
Bill Clinton caused 9/11.
Bill Clinton was offered Bin Laden on a silver platter and turned it down.
Saddam Hussein attacked us on 9/11.
No one could have anticipated airplanes flying into buildings.
We have removed the Taliban from Afghanistan. The Iraqis will welcome us with open arms and flowers.
It could take six days, six weeks - I doubt six months.
Pat Tillman was killed by enemy fire.
Yellow magnet car ribbons help the troops.
The insurgency is in its last throes.
They hate us for our freedom.
The only way to get Zarqawi is to invade Iraq.
We're fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them over here.
When they stand up, we'll stand down.
Iraqi oil will pay for the war and the reconstruction.
Gas prices are high because of liberal environmentalists.
Gas prices are high because of taxes.
Drilling in the Alaska National Wildlife Refuge will lower the price of oil.
Unemployment numbers have never been so low.
Outsourcing will create more jobs.
The vast majority of Bush's tax cuts go to the bottom end of the spectrum.
Tax breaks for Hummers are good for the economy.
Tax cuts increase federal revenue.
The estate tax hurts family farms.
Private accounts will save Social Security.
Bush will make health insurance affordable for low-income families.
The Healthy Forests Initiative will help forests.
No Child Left Behind will help children.
The Clear Skies Initiative will reduce air pollution.
Republicans are compassionate conservatives.
Republicans are pro-life.
Nothing is more important in a time of war than cutting taxes.
Democrats hate America.
Hillary Clinton murdered Vince Foster.
"Bin Laden Determined to Strike within the U.S." was a historical document.
The national anthem should only be sung in English.
Jesus would have voted for Bush.
Whenever we say "wiretap," that means we're going to get a court order.
Chris Matthews will not let anything get by him.
George Bush was a successful businessman.
The government is tapping your phone to protect you.
Dissent is unpatriotic.
Valerie Plame is a traitor.
Patrick Fitzgerald is going to indict Joe Wilson.
Jeff Gannon is a serious journalist.
Rush is right.
The media is liberal.
You're either with us or against us.
A vote for John Kerry is a vote for Al Qaeda.
George Bush doesn't read the polls.
Congress had access to the same intelligence.
Iraq is the central front on the war on terrorism.
Republicans are the party of ideas.
Those trucks we found in Iraq were mobile biological weapons labs.
We know where the WMD are.
Anyone who leaks information will no longer be part of this administration.
Sex education causes STDs and increases pregnancy rates.
HPV vaccine will cause teen sex cults.
Harriet Miers would be a great Supreme Court justice.
Vice President Cheney no longer has ties with Halliburton.
Bush will restore honor and integrity to the White House.
Up is down.
Black is white.
Oceania has always been at war with Eurasia.

Copyright 2006 Daily Kos (and sent by Bill H.)

The secret word is Word

CRYPTIQUE – How many fingers am I holding up, Winston?

And you won't forget the Kool Aid, will you, Mr Jones?

Do I really need to comment on this or shall we just start searching the crawlspace under the house?

THE FALL OR JUST WISHFUL THINKING?
This is what it said in the Washington Post..."Porter J. Goss was forced to step down yesterday as CIA director, ending a turbulent 18-month tenure marked by an exodus of some of the agency's top talent and growing White House dissatisfaction with his leadership during a time of war."
But I’m wondering what the Vegas odds might be that Goss has really gone because – while singing like a fucking canary on his way to jail – former Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham (R-Rancho Santa Fe) fingered Goss as a face at the hooker parties at the Watergate and other defense contractor bribery shenanigans. Oh my, is the entire house of cards actually collapsing for real?

The secret word is Glee

This is a UFO, not God.

THEY’RE BACK!
Aeswiren (an old friend under a new name) sends this BBC interview with a hacker who claims to have accessed genuine government UFO data...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/click_online/4977134.stm

And also a nice bit of Neil Young to listen to...
http://action.truemajority.org/campaign/living_with_war

THE BLUE LIGHT WAS MY BLUES
In the grey of dawn, as the narcotics wore off, he started feeling the lowdown depressing blues. The cat didn’t want to talk so, to cheer himself up, he posted a totally irrelevant picture of Jerry Lee Lewis, and a link to an article by the great Howard Zinn (courtesy of Doug the Bass). You might say they were two sides of his perverse coin. (And if you don’t know who Howard Zinn is check him the fuck out!)
http://progressive.org/mag_zinn0406

I also have yet another piece in LA CityBeat, this time about how the bigtime mags have finally woken up to what’s been obvious to the rest of us for six years. George Bush is repellent and deceitful and wholly incompetent.
http://lacitybeat.com/article.php?id=3692&IssueNum=152.

The secret word is Persist

(And the email is still byron4d@msn.com )

(Left) A recent and well authenticated photo of God.

PRAYER DAY, PEOPLE
Yesterday was the National Day of Prayer, except nobody told me until 11.35 in the evening when Stephen Colbert finally clued me in. With only 25 minutes to go, I knew I had to do something. Since Krishna tends to blank me, I called Elvis on the phone, but he was watching a DVD of Patton with Nixon, and sent a message that I "should start my own fucking religion and stop bothering him with my problems." The power of prayer ain’t what it used to be.

The secret word is Devout

DOC CRAWLS BACK INTO THE WORLD
Two days ago it was third anniversary of Bush’s jet landing on the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln and his speech declaring major fighting in Iraq at an end, all in front of that big fucking "Mission Accomplished" banner. Today Keith Richard fell out of a coconut tree in Fiji. No banner. I knew I had to put the blog back in business. Tell all the people that you see.

Maybe, one day, the distance will be great enough to write about where I’ve been for the last month or more, but not right now. Suffice to say that someone very close to me took her own life, and I’m still attempting to come to grips with that.

I can’t promise daily posts quite yet, but let’s start with all the LA CityBeat columns you all might have missed...
On the Da Vinci code...
http://lacitybeat.com/article.php?id=3479&IssueNum=146
On Bill O’Reilly...
http://lacitybeat.com/article.php?id=3546&IssueNum=148
On Queen Elizabeth I...
http://lacitybeat.com/article.php?id=3618&IssueNum=150
And on the imminent destrucion of the Village Voice...
http://lacitybeat.com/article.php?id=3658&IssueNum=151

Thank you all for your patience and good wishes.

The secret word is Survive

SOMETIME AROUND MAYBE 1986 – BACK WHEN I WAS LIVING IN NEW YORK CITY – I WALKED UP TO MY FAVORITE BAKERY ON SPRING STREET AND THERE WAS A SIGN ON THE DOOR THAT READ – "TEMPORARILY CLOSED DUE TO DEATH IN THE FAMILY."
WITH NO FURTHER EXPLANATION, THAT’S WHY YOU AIN’T SEEN ME FOR A WHILE. BUT THE DOC WILL BE BACK AS SOON AS I HAVE COME TO GRIPS WITH THIS PORTION OF REALITY..

WHERE DOES THE TIME GO?
Back in the day, when Carnival meant police cars burning, it was a run down Ladbroke Grove spit and sawdust gin joint called the Princess Alexandra ("the Alex") with no customers apart from a small clutch of out-of-work, white trash, Nazi-looking hoods until a few of us – Boss Goodman, Lemmy, the late Edward Barker, Roger Hutchinson, and others claimed it as our refuge from the drug addled riffraff in the other pubs. Pretty soon it became the haunt of roadies, bikers, philosophers, and local highspeed lowlife, with amphetamine sulphate in the toilets and cocaine when the ladies could afford it. That was before the old neighborhood went Julia Roberts on us, and the Alex changed its name to The Portobello Gold, and headed up market. So far up market, that Bill Clinton has dined there, and, this weekend, (as advised by some girl) it turned up in the LA Times travel section in a story about affordable London. There is, however, one remaining link with the old days. Boss Goodman, pictured above with a statue of Chuck Berry (don’t ask) is now the chef at the Portobello Gold. Will someone tell him about this? Goodman is a Luddite with no computer.)
THIS is a friendly Notting Hill spot known for its excellent selection of wines by the glass. Like many English pubs, it has rooms above the bar, but the ones at this little place are far more cheerful, comfy and well-maintained than at others. All eight chambers — from the spacious, four-poster honeymoon suite to the twin-bedded backpacker room — are shipshape, with attached baths, telephones, television and wireless Internet access. A top-floor flat sleeps six, boasting a fish tank and private terrace with putting green. But the best buys are the four doubles on the third floor. They are decorated in warm yellows and beiges and have inviting duvets and big windows overlooking the back. The neighborhood, full of small junk and specialty shops, is where Hugh Grant fell for Julia Roberts in the 1999 movie "Notting Hill." Saturday mornings bring the famous Portobello Road thrift market to the pub's front door and, in late August, the wild Notting Hill Carnival passes by.
Portobello Gold, 95/97 Portobello Road, Notting Hill; 011-44-207-460-4910, http://www.portobellogold.com

(Holy cow.)

BREAD! Need we say more?

http://bedazzled.blogs.com/ a site that's choc-full o'stuff.

The secret word is Jam

SPACE – THE FINAL JUNKYARD

This long-for-a-blog piece by Keay Davidson in the SF Chronicle was sent over by MrMR who knows I like this kinda thing and probably figured that I would shamlessly reproduce it in full. Not only does it detail all the crap we’re dumping into low orbit, but also talks about my favorite piece hardware I’ll never live to see – the Space Elevator.

Outer space is fast filling up with human-generated junk, from exploded satellites to leaky nuclear reactors, and the debris threatens the safety of cosmic exploration.
International agencies have met for years to try to solve the problem. One possible solution is to encourage space-launching nations to build sturdier rockets that don't blow up in space and spew debris everywhere, ones that burn up in the Earth's atmosphere upon their return.
Another is to have inventors develop futuristic laser beams that can "sweep" space junk from the skies. Meanwhile, the space-junk problem is getting worse as the terrestrial world becomes more and more reliant on the sky: We increasingly depend on satellites for duties as diverse as cell-phone calls, TV broadcasting, military reconnaissance and guided hikes by global positioning systems. Satellites are used to track robotic minisubs in Antarctica and animals in the wild.
Space junk ranges from human waste to a discarded Russian spacesuit. The latter was recently dumped by the crew of the international space station; later this year, it should fall back to Earth in a blaze of glory. In the 1960s, U.S. tracking systems monitored an American astronaut's discarded glove, which eventually returned to Earth. This summer, a Russian cosmonaut reportedly plans to hit a gold-plated golf ball from the international space station as part of a paid promotional stunt for a golf-club firm in Toronto. That'll add to the floating litter.
About 18 collisions of existing satellites -- 11 of them "catastrophic" to the objects that collide -- will probably occur over the next 200 years, even if Earth never launches another rocket, reported two officials at NASA's Orbital Debris Program Office in Houston in the Jan. 20 issue of Science magazine. In reality, wrote Jer-Chyi Liou and Nicholas Johnson, the actual number of collisions "will undoubtedly be worse" because new spaceships -- that is, future space debris -- are continually being launched.
"Since the launch of Sputnik 1 (in 1957), space activities have created an orbital debris environment that poses increasing impact risks to existing space systems, including human space flight and robotic missions," Liou and Johnson said.
Especially endangered, some experts say, is the most romantic notion on visionaries' wish list: the "space elevator." As proposed, the elevator would be a titanic, super-strong metallic ribbon stretching from close to Earth's surface to a point more than 60,000 miles high, on which elevators would ferry freight and humans into space at bargain-basement rates.
"Low Earth orbit," as it's called, is so packed with debris and satellites that a collision with the elevator, if it's ever built, is a near certainty. One expert's calculations show satellites and debris might collide with the elevator up to several times a year unless the elevator is continually monitored and moved out of the way of an incoming projectile.
"I would love to ride a space elevator to orbit in a few decades -- and I don't want to have to dodge space debris as I'm passing the 1,000th floor!" said George Whitesides, executive director of a leading space activists' group, the National Space Society in Washington, D.C. "We need to control space debris today to make future space development truly feasible."
Space collisions aren't just a futuristic threat: NASA and the world's other space agencies have been dodging celestial bullets ever since the first satellites soared heavenward a half-century ago. When space shuttle astronauts visit satellites to repair them, they find the crafts pitted with tiny craters -- the result of high-speed collisions with paint flecks or other debris. A paint fleck might sound trivial, but as every high school physics student knows, a mere speck carries a lethal punch when it's flying at several miles per second.
Fortunately, paint flecks and much larger debris -- dead satellites and discarded booster rockets -- eventually fall back to Earth and burn up in the atmosphere. But some debris is orbiting so high that it won't return to Earth for thousands of years. And the satellites and other discarded equipment that make up that debris will be ramming into each other, spewing paint flecks and transistors and rubber tubes like busted piZatas at a children's party. As a result, experts say, the overall amount of space debris will grow for decades even if NASA and every other space agency never launches another rocket.
"We still have a lot of stuff up there that was put up there years ago, and it is going be there for a long time," said aerospace engineer William Ailor, director of the Center for Orbital and Reentry Debris Studies at the Aerospace Corp. in El Segundo (Los Angeles County). Until such high-flying swarms of junk return to Earth, they'll continue colliding with one another, generating even more junk. "We've got more collisions coming -- it's going be a fact of life," Ailor added.
As big as a minimall, the manned space station is a juicy target for debris. If a big enough chunk of junk struck it, the result would be a tremendous crashing sound and flash of light inside the station; the station might fill with fog. These effects might disorient the crew members, preventing them from taking emergency actions.
In their report in Science, Liou and Johnson said the U.S. Space Surveillance Network is tracking more than 9,000 pieces of human-made debris. They said the pieces are big enough to be monitored by radar or ground-based telescopes. And that stuff is just the tip of the iceberg; far more is too small to be monitored.
Ailor said that among the stranger debris is a Russian satellite with an onboard nuclear reactor that is "leaking liquid metal -- something like 70,000 blobs of liquid metal (so far)." He said the world's space agencies are collaborating on ways to develop anti-debris protocols for future launches.
For example, he said, exploding satellites and rocket boosters, a major source of debris, can be prevented if launching nations agree to take precautionary steps, such as ensuring their satellites dump leftover propellant after the mission ends in space. The propellant would vaporize, preventing it from exploding if pinged by a meteoroid or other debris. Meanwhile, inventors are investigating far-out ways of tidying up our celestial backyard. Almost everyone's favorite idea involves lasers.
In theory, powerful ground- or space-based lasers could heat the surface of space debris, vaporizing its upper surface. This would cause the debris to expel gases. The gas expulsion would act, in effect, as a brake on the debris' orbital motion, for the reason identified by Isaac Newton three centuries ago: A force generates an equal and opposite reaction. Thus the debris would slow down until it fell back to Earth.
A leading champion of laser-driven cleanups is Claude Phipps, who received his doctorate in plasma physics at Stanford and is president of a laser company, Photonic Associates LLC of Santa Fe, N.M. He has investigated the space debris problem with colleagues from the national weapons laboratories and other institutions.
Experts estimate there are "300,000 debris objects in the 1- to 10-centimeter diameter range," Phipps said. "These are ... difficult to track and lethal if they strike a space asset. They are also becoming more numerous due to collisions, and it is conceivable that they could deny us access to space in the future."
Space debris, though, has stirred the biggest debate within the arcane world of space-elevator research. The elevators exist largely on the drawing board, but there have been field tests of small prototypes on Earth. The No. 1 obstacle to real space elevators remains the development of materials strong enough for the task. Some experts think carbon nanotubes will do the job.
"It's very likely -- I'd say certain -- that we don't yet understand all the ways a space elevator can fail, so the current designs may well underestimate how much damage a small impact could do," said Jordin Kare, who has a doctorate in astrophysics from UC Berkeley and is now a private consultant to the aerospace industry in Seattle.
A veteran researcher on the subject, Bradley Edwards, formerly of Los Alamos National Laboratory, disagrees. He is confident that the space elevator can be safely moved out of the way before space debris hits it. Thus "we can eliminate any concern related to space debris."
Kare counters that such "an active system will always have a chance of failure, whether through mechanical failures, or plain old human error." He wryly imagines this frantic exchange between the tracking officials and the elevator operator: "Move the ribbon left! No, the other left!"
While the elevator is still just pie in the sky, the space debris problem remains very real. Ailor worries that nothing will be done to adequately tame the celestial shootout "until something really bad happens."
"Things are really getting busy up there," he said.

Space Clutter -- An animated illustration of radar-tracked space junk circling Earth can be found at www.aero.org/capabilities/cords/

A POLLOCK A DAY KEEPS THE DOC AWAY
But so probably does "usquebaugh-baul" - the ‘perilous whisky’...

GOOD NEWS AT LAST!

THE WORLD’S MOST ALCOHOLIC SINGLE MALT
The small designer distillery Bruichladdich have developed what they claim is the world’s strongest single malt Scotch, using a 300 year-old quadruple distilling process to create "usquebaugh-baul" - Gaelic for ‘perilous whisky’. The spirit run started at 11.30 on Monday the February 27th. The whisky first ran at 92% down to 88% which will make an average of about 90%. Master Distiller Jim McEwan reported, "On entry the flavor is cool, fizzy, citrus - lemon and honey, then the taste of soft gooseberry and pear in syrup evolve as it glides across the palette with cereal and toasted muffins in the slipstream. There is no evidence of the power at this stage because the viscosity is almost like glycerine, however as it engages the taste receptors at the back of the tongue it really hits the booster button and an amazing heat floods deep into the chest. It’s brilliantly fresh and fizzy with an extremely pleasant afterburner effect and leaves an aftertaste that is superb, not long but unforgettable." And then, of course, it knocks you on your ass.

http://www.bruichladdich.com/
(The obvious next move would be for some grateful reader to send the old Doc a bottle of this perilous so he can test it out on his own taste receptors, and write about. Unless, of course, it kills him in the process.)

The secret word is Stagger

CRYPTIQUE – He drank himself to death but only with the good stuff.

TAKE TO THE HILLS, WE’RE DOOMED!!
PART XI
HCB sent over the following piece of bad news about solar storms which is something we unfortunately can’t blame on George Bush. (But maybe say goodbye to all this and your cell phone too.)

BEIJING, March.8 (Xinhuanet) -- Scientists announced Monday that increasingly severe solar storms are likely to take place in the next 11 years. When the solar cycle reaches its peak in 2012, it will hurl at Earth mammoth solar storms with intense radiation and clouds of high-speed subatomic particles millions of miles across, which could short-circuit a world increasingly dependent on giant utilities and satellite communications networks, scientists warned. The solar storms in the past have knocked out huge power grids and screwed up global electronics and data communications, but "the next sunspot cycle will be 30 to 50 percent stronger than the last one," the scientists said in Monday's statement. Monday's forecast was announced by scientists from agencies including NASA and the National Science Foundation, based on research centered at the National Center for Atmospheric Research in Colorado. There is disagreement on exactly when the new cycle will begin. One researcher predicted that the cycle will likely start in late 2007 or early 2008 while another said it could begin as either as late this year. But they did agree that the most severe storms won't begin popping on the solar surface for several years, but when they do, they'll be huge. Solar storms can happen at any time during an 11-year solar cycle. However, by far the worst storms are likeliest to occur during the period known as "solar maximum," or solar max for short. The last solar max was in 2001.

And it all ties in somewhat uncomfortably with the Mayan/Terrence McKenna contention that absolutely everything will be snuffed in 2012.

OR WE CAN HIDE IN DIGITAL ABSURDITY
01010100 01001000 01000101 00100000 01010011 01010100 01001111 01010010 01011001 00100000 01110100 01100001 01101011 01100101 01110011 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100001 01100011 01100101 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01110111 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01011010 00101101 01010111 01001111 01010010 01001100 01000100 00101110 00100000 01001001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100000 01101101 01110101 01100011 01101000 00100000 01100001 00100000

The secret word is Binary

CRYPTIQUE – And if you don’t believe me, ask Fred Nietzsche

MO’ BETTER CITYBEAT
I have a new bit in LA CityBeat about how the mainstream media still treat the geothermal destruction of the planet as some hilarious old Earth-shoe hippie joke. Plus there’s a hell of a letter from Sam Krueger if you click onto the letter's page.
http://lacitybeat.com/article.php?id=3408&IssueNum=144

A DOC40 PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
You can send your wire coat hangers and knitting needles to:
Office of the Governor, 500 E. Capitol Ave., Pierre, SD 57501

For more... http://community.livejournal.com/leftist_cunt/26853.html#cutid1

CRYPTIQUE -- Maybe we men should just shut the fuck up?

THE WAR STARTS FOR REAL
The near-total ban on abortions in South Dakota, just signed into law by Republican Governor Mike Rounds, is not only, as he calls it, a "direct frontal assault" on Roe v Wade, but also the source of one hell of an hysterical smokescreen in an election year when the Republicans should be called to account for their Rein of Ruin.
Incidently, South Dakota has a state average IQ of 90 and is ranked 45 out of 50 in national intelligence. An IQ range of 80-90 is classified as "dullness". For the full story
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11710758/

Some girl also sent over a brilliant bit by Molly Ivins, and, in the accompanying email, comments, "i think my favorite part is where the asshat talks about what would be an acceptable "life of the woman" exception for a rape case: apparently it would have to include sodomy. which, as everyone knows, doesn't lead to pregnancy. but i'm sure he enjoyed coming up with the scenario."
http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/03/07/ivins.abortion/

WHILE ON A LIGHTER NOTE (AND FUCK KNOWS WE NEED ONE) SOME VIDEO HILARITY...
The live action Simpsons
http://youtube.com/watch?v=49IDp76kjPw

And the wit and wisdom of Natalie Portman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmuEX1DOdUw&search=natalie%20portman

BEWARE THE ROBOT AUTHOR
Some girl sends over an link to the story of the LongPen, a robot substitute for authors who don’t want to do book signings.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060306/ap_on_hi_te/books_novel_invention
I really hate this device. And authors who think book tours are just too, too tedious and they'd like to send a robot instead. Signings, unless you’re a superselling Clinton or Stern, are a chance to meet and talk to the people who actually read your damn books. They're the ones who really count, and I also believe there's an atavistic something in that the book has actually been touched by whoever wrote it. A pox on Atwood and her infernal machine.

The secret word is Spoiled

EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY (Don’t it?)
The old maxim about pictures and a thousand words would make these three a short and damning essay.

BUT...

Could the time be right for one more picture?

The secret word is Criminal

THE CHIC GET CHIC AND THE POOR GET FATTER
HOGWATCH 2
Lever sends a full list of what Oscar celebs got in their gift bags. (see small comments for yesterday)
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Oscars2006/story?id=1686854&page=1

MEANWHILE...
The number of overweight children worldwide will increase significantly by the end of the decade, and scientists expect profound impacts on everything from public health care to economies, a study published Monday said. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11694799/

CRYPTIQUE – Soylent Green is people.

THE MADNESS OF KING BILL
MrMR sends this compassionate note – "So here's a special plea. Whatever you do, please DO NOT call Bill O'Reilly at 1-877-9-NO-SPIN from noon to 2 PM Monday through Friday and mention Keith Olbermann. Because you don't want to get in trouble with Fox security. And you don't want poor Bill's head to explode, do you?"
(see last Friday)

HOGWATCH
The gift bags handed to the presenters on today’s Academy Awards show are worth an estimated $100,000 each, which, is what? Between three and four times the annual income of a McDonalds employee? This is all getting a bit Louis XVI for me, but no one else seems to find it all that troubling. Am I alone in this?

The secret word is Perplexed

"I’m Bettie Page. How do you think I feel?"

MADONNA?
I don’t quite know why I find myself defending Madonna except that Munz sent over the following from Rickie Lee Jones...

"We live in a time where people allow marketing devises to take the place of real events, of real spirits. We allow vacant pop stars to harm the credibility of concepts, to reap the rewards of deeper, more meaningful artists, simply because some publicist evoked images that we identify with greatness. I saw this really flourish with Madonna, and spread like Ebola through the jungle land. I am still stunned, I don't understand why the pretender is just as meaningful to the consumer now and the citizen as the real thing. Is it because the real thing is so hard to come by, we want to feel like we're part of a real thing, too? Finally Madonna's real meaning is the virtue of being the one who forged the way for all pretenders. I am confused in these times. I am glad I stand outside looking in. George Bush, Madonna, the whole show of second best."– Rickie Lee Jones

Okay, so the woman is 47 pretending to be 25, she’s really fucking irritating, and redefines narcissism in the worst way since Norma Desmond, but she actually did invent herself, fully formed like Venus on the half-shell, and should be given whatever credit that deserves. Back in Lower Manhattan in the early eighties, in a world of 12" dance mixes, and with Karen Finley just down the block , pushing produce into her orifices, Ms. Ciccone labored long and hard in some pretty grubby salt mines to make herself a pop-goddess. At the time, she provided a freestanding role model for a lot of young women, and cannot be wholly blamed for the corporate annexation of her act as a marking plan for all the wholly depressing Britneys and Jessicas and multi-national pretteen nymphet-pop that would follow. Back in the day, although I didn’t buy the act (except maybe for her cover of "Love Don’t Live Here Any More") I did feel that she and Patti Smith bookended a weird liberation in the pop culture when all else was Stevie Nicks.

The secret word is Virgin

KINDLING IN PAPERBACK
My true fine novel Kindling is now out in paperback so hie thee to the bookstore or Amazon of thy choice and pick-up a copy. And pay for it! I need the money.

CRYPTIQUE – Kilts are not pants.

AND THIS IS REALLY UNPLEASANT...

http://www.snopes.com/photos/gruesome/crushboy.asp

?

"ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE IN THE RIGHT INCARNATION, ZIPPY?"



(sent by valerie)

BILL O’REILLY IS OFFICIALLY INSANE
Amid all the other stuff that’s going – like Bush’s efforts to convince us he’s busy negotiating some kind of nuclear peace between India and Pakistan – Bill O"Reilly has been in a pissing contest with our pal Keith Olbermann on MSNBC. After Olbermann voted O’Reilly "Worst Person In The World" three days in a row, O’Reilly entered dementia. He screamed for Olbermann to be fired and then, when a call-in caller (admittedly a known troublemaker) mentioned Olbermann’s name, the following ensued...

From the March 2 broadcast of Westwood One's The Radio Factor with Bill O'Reilly:
O'REILLY: Orlando, Florida, Mike, go.
CALLER: Hey Bill, I appreciate you taking my call.
O'REILLY: Sure.
CALLER: I like to listen to you during the day, I think Keith Olbermann's show --
O'REILLY: There ya go, Mike is -- he's a gone guy. You know, we have his -- we have your phone numbers, by the way. So, if you're listening, Mike, we have your phone number, and we're going to turn it over to Fox security, and you'll be getting a little visit.
HILL: Maybe Mike is from the mothership.
O'REILLY: No, Maybe Mike is going to get into big trouble, because we're not going to play around. When you call us, ladies and gentleman, just so you know, we do have your phone number, and if you say anything untoward, obscene, or anything like that, Fox security then will contact your local authorities, and you will be held accountable. Fair?

And O’Reilly wasn’t kidding or doing a bit. The lunatic really feels he has the juice to dime out any caller he doesn’t idelogically cotton to. Weird shit, neighbors. Stories are now being bandied around of O"Reilly callers who have been subsequently threatened by some phone heavy claiming to be from Fox Security. Which, if real, really do mean that Roger Ailes thinks he’s running the Ministry of Truth.

For more...
http://69.73.163.60/oreillysucks/viewtopic.php?t=3749

CRYPTIQUE -- Ashlee Simpson was born in 1984

THE QUESTIONS BECOME KINDA ESOTERIC WHEN YOU’RE TALKING TESLA
In whatever free time (there’s a laugh) I find for myself, I’ve been working on a poetry piece about Nicola Tesla for a special event. (More about that at a later date.) And work on Tesla has, of course, involved staring in awe at pictures of his energy engines. Then Valerie sent me this pic of the new Barcelona Water Company building (right), designed by Jean Nouvel, (in which, she says, she "has fallen hopelessly in love") and I couldn’t help thinking how it could so easily hide Tesla’s Wardenclyffe communication tower (left)

The secret word is Power

"Collins...Joan Collins."

TALES OF THE DECADENT EIGHTIES
(More on Ned Sublette – see Thursday Feb16th. )
The following comes from our old pal Rob Patterson

Mickey, my lad,
I'm now a regular guzzler of Doc 40. And I knew Ned pretty well in my NY days, still do.
You write: "Can't say I knew the guy beyond being drunk in the same joint, but I was aware that he was putting a post-punk, country cowboy hat on gay, just like Kinky Friedman had put one on Jewish." It implies that he is/might be gay... not that there's anything wrong with that.
In my note back from Ned yesterday after I wrote him with congrats, he noted that he celebrated 25 years of marriage last summer to the lovely and talented Constance Ash, a fantasy author whose "Horsegirl" trilogy I enjoyed reading as much as those Mick Farren sci-fi books (and where's another one ya lazy sod!? I want more!). And I know both you and I were soused at those downtown/Loisada joints but can't recall a single time that Ned ever was. And he never once hit on me. Neither did you as I recall (although I did once get the eye from Seymour Stein and on another occasion his ex-wife Linda tried to pick up my friend Maryann and I one night at The Ritz). Ned is a man of many talents. Lubbock born and New Mexico reared, he's done all kinds of cool stuff. Cribbing from the bio for his wickedly cool album in 1999, Cowboy Rumba, which intersticed C&W and Latin music: 'In the downtown New York new music scene of the 70s and 80s, he worked with artists ranging from John Cage to La Monte Young to Glenn Branca to Peter Gordon's Love of Life Orchestra. In 1982, he started The Ned Sublette Band ("It wasn't country punk," he recalls, "because all the musicians could really play") with a gig at CBGBs.'
I think the "it wasn't country punk" line was in part from my including him in a Musician story I did in '82 where I spent a good part of the intro saying "Don't call it country punk..." and then what did the dink editing it do but headline it "Country Punk." Duh.... He also winced when I suggested he call his music "Salsa Ranchero," which I still think fits well. Next time I visit my storage space I'm gonna have to pull out my old Ned tapes of way cool unreleased stuff, especially to hear my Sublette fave, "Cattle Mutilations." More bio: 'By the mid-80s he gravitated toward the salsa scene ("It was the best music in town," he says) and his inspirations grew increasingly Latin. In January 1990, he traveled to Cuba for the first time and was inspired to co-found Qbadisc, the first American record label dedicated to marketing contemporary Cuban music in the U.S. He was soon recognized as a major U.S. advocate for Cuban music, introducing American audiences to Cuban artists as diverse as Los MuZequitos De Matanzas and NG La Banda as well as Celina González, Issac Delgado, Carlos Varela and Orlando "Maraca" Valle. In 1998,he also produced the outstanding debut album by the New York-based Puerto Rican group Viento De Agua, and for seven years, he served as senior co-producer of Afropop Worldwide, heard over Public Radio International.' He also recently published "Cuba and Its Music: From the First Drums to the Mambo" (Chicago Review Press), which the NY Times gave a rave review to, calling it as essential as Hugh Thomas's epic history "Cuba." And if my memory serves me correct - I'm cc'ing Ned here so he can correct me - Willie had either been rumored to record or had recorded "Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly..." as far back as the late '80s. And yes, few more deserving of some mailbox money than Ned.
Back to work.
Rob

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.
I also had a riff in last week's LA CityBeat on cyber comments...
http://lacitybeat.com/article.php?id=3356&IssueNum=142
And also a introduction to a band called the Wicked Tinkers...
http://lacitybeat.com/article.php?id=3346&IssueNum=142

The secret word is Petard

MEANWHILE, IN AMERICA...
DETROIT -- A 12-year-old visitor to the Detroit Institute of Arts stuck a wad of gum to a $1.5 million painting, leaving a stain the size of a quarter, officials say. The boy was part of a school group that visited the museum on Friday, officials say. They say he took a piece of Wrigley's Extra Polar Ice gum out of his mouth and stuck it on Helen Frankenthaler's "The Bay," an abstract painting from 1963. "Our expectation is that the painting is going to be fine," said Becky Hart, assistant curator of contemporary art. Holly Academy director Julie Kildee said the boy had been suspended from the charter school and says his parents also have disciplined him.

?

"Like someone asked the other day, where, on an MP3 download, do you hide the coded messages from Satan?"

THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME
This guy and his kitty live in Nigeria. In all probability they have less than 1% of the material stuff you have. And they are pissed off.

DOC IS BACK...
Easing back into gear after what has been a very gruelling couple of weeks, Doc40 kicks off with a dull but scarey report from Yahoo News sent over by Doug the Bass that more than confirms how our lame-ass President, currently hiding in India, really is running the country into the ground. More catching up to come as my hands and arms recover from typing marathons.

THE SIMPLE LI(F)E 3
As GWB tells us the US economy is doing fine...

WASHINGTON, D.C., Feb 27 (OneWorld) - The average American family has taken a financial tumble and millions in the country go hungry despite President George W. Bush's sunny assessment of the U.S. economy, say federal data and economists. Bush talked up the nation's wealth last week during a speech in Milwaukee. ''We're doing fine,'' he said and described the economy as ''strong and gaining steam.'' Economic growth had clocked a respectable 3.5 percent, unemployment had been held down to 4.7 percent with more than four million new jobs created in the past 30 months, and after-tax income had risen eight percent since 2001, he said.
Within days, however, the Federal Reserve reported that average incomes after adjusting for inflation actually had fallen between 2001 and 2004. At the same time, the number of Americans who need emergency food aid to survive had swollen to more than 25 million even before hurricanes Katrina and Rita struck, the nation's largest network of food banks said in a separate report. Many families continued to struggle in the wake of the 2000 stock market collapse and 2001 recession, the central bank said in its latest triennial ''Survey of Consumer Finances,'' released Thursday. Inflation helped to eat away at the average American family's income, reducing the total to $70,700 in 2004--a loss of 2.3 percent from 2001. That followed a 17.3 percent gain in average incomes between 1998 and 2001 and 12.3 percent in 1995-98, the Fed said. Median family income showed a slight increase of 1.6 percent to reach $43,200 in 2004, up from $42,500 in 2001. Half of all households are understood to stand above, and half to fall below, the median point, which is used to represent the ''typical'' rather than ''average'' family.
Economic analysts said the latest Fed's findings confirmed earlier research showing that the average American family's finances were deteriorating. ''Every American should be able to achieve middle class economic security, a hallmark of national and household stability in this country,'' said Tamara Draut, director of the economic opportunity program at research and advocacy group Demos. ''But the Federal Reserve's findings spotlight trends that are causing economic fragility in today's middle class and are closing the door on low-income Americans.'' The income situation appears to be worsening. Last year proved to be the worst one on record for inflation-adjusted income, said Jared Bernstein, senior economist at the Economic Policy Institute, a Washington, D.C.-based think tank. ''Wages and compensation for the average worker are lagging inflation despite strong productivity growth,'' Bernstein said, citing figures from last month's ''Employment Cost Index'' report from the government's Bureau of Labor Statistics. ''Averaging over all of 2005, real wages fell 0.9 percent--the lowest annual result on record--while compensation's essentially unchanged rate from 2004 provides its worst year on record as well,'' Bernstein added in an analysis of the BLS report. The term ''compensation'' refers to wages plus benefits. Draut, at Demos, said she was worried by the latest Fed report's findings that ''growing numbers of American households face mounting debt and financial instability.''
In particular, more than 76 percent of households carry debt, up since 2001. Of households in debt, the median amount of debt, $55,300, amounts to 128 percent of the median household income. ''A greater number of people reported not saving money in 2004 than in 2001. Only 41 percent save regularly,'' Draut said, citing the Fed's figures. ''That's a foreboding number for a nation with 76 million people reaching retirement age over the next 25 years.'' The Fed found that four in 10 senior citizens older than 75 years shouldered debts in 2004, up from 29 percent in 2001. Americans also have been piling up credit card debt, which grew 10 percent in the median household and 15.9 percent in the average household. Most of the increase occurred in the ''middle class,'' which the Fed defined as the fifth of the population with a median income of $42,500. ''Stagnant wages and skyrocketing healthcare, education and housing costs, plus greater job instability has pushed America's families right to the limit, and they're borrowing on high-cost credit just to make ends meet,'' said Draut. Home equity loans also have become bigger and more common, with many homeowners using the cash-out refinancing to pay down their credit card debts and to recover expenses they can't cover with their earnings, she added. Rising household debt and stagnant real wages sapped median net worth, a tally of assets and liabilities. Median net worth grew by 1.5 percent in 2001-04, down from 10.3 percent in 1998-2001, the Fed report said. The gap between wealthy and poor also has widened, the Fed said. America's wealthiest 10 percent saw their net worth rise by 6.1 percent to an average of $3.1 million while the bottom 10 percent saw theirs fall from zero in 2001 to minus $1,400--meaning they owed this much more than the value of all their assets--in 2004. Data on net worth would have proven even more anemic were it not for big gains in the notional value of real estate--something that, at least hypothetically, boosted homeowners' financial standing, the Fed and analysts agreed.
''Americans are keeping their families afloat by putting their greatest asset at risk,'' said Draut.
Yet they appear to be among the fortunate, according to America's Second Harvest, which supports 50,000 food-aid charities nationwide. More than 25 million Americans were forced to resort to food donations from the organization's affiliates last year, an 8 percent increase over 2001, it said. Nine million children younger than 18 and three million senior citizens stood among the hungry, America's Second Harvest said in its ''Hunger in America 2006'' report. ''About 70 percent of the clients seeking emergency food assistance are living below the federal poverty line,'' the private philanthropy said. ''Nearly 40 percent have at least one adult working in their household,'' it added. Those figures suggest that increasing numbers of working Americans do not earn enough to feed their families.

The secret word is Betrayal

OH YEAH...
DFisherman (see the big comments board) and J are absolutely right. The kid on the bed is Leonard Nimoy in the 1952 movie Kid Monk Baroni.

AS REGULAR VISITORS WILL KNOW...
For the last few days, I have been laboring in the literary salt mines, and am still in the square- eyed mode. It should ease off in a day or so. (Or I’ll go insane.) So apologies for the lack of solid posts and all the unanswered emails, and, just to keep you amused, here is a fascinating Doc40 puzzle – courtesy of some girl. (And you’ve already been given a clue.)

The question is...Who is the young man sitting on the bed?

The secret word is Exhausted