SATURDAY FUNNIES

On a night quite unenchanting, when the rain was downward slanting,

I awakened to the ranting of the man I catch mice for.

Tipsy and a bit unshaven, in a tone I found quite craven,

Poe was talking to a Raven perched above the chamber door.

"Raven's very tasty," thought I, as I tiptoed o'er the floor,

"There is nothing I like more."

Soft upon the rug I treaded, calm and careful as I headed

Towards his roost atop that dreaded bust of Pallas I deplore.

While the bard and birdie chattered,

I made sure that nothing clattered,

Creaked, or snapped, or fell, or shattered, as I crossed the corridor;

For his house is crammed with trinkets, curios and weird decor -

Bric-a-brac and junk galore.

Still the Raven never fluttered, standing stock-still as he uttered,

In a voice that shrieked and sputtered, his two cents worth -

"Nevermore."

While this dirge the birdbrain kept up, oh, so silently I crept up,

Then I crouched and quickly leapt up, pouncing on the feather bore.

Soon he was a heap of plumage, and a little blood and gore -

Only this and not much more.

Then my pickled poet cried out,

"Pussycat, it's time I dried out!"

Never sat I in my hideout talking to a bird before;

How I've wallowed in self-pity, while my gallant, valiant kitty.

Put an end to that damned ditty - then I heard him start to snore.

Back atop the door I clambered, eyed that statue I abhor,

Jumped - and smashed it on the floor.

(Thanks Wend)

The secret word is Purrrr!

AND THEN THERE WERE TWO

This piece on the primaries for LA CityBeat was written before the news came down that John Edwards had dropped out of the race. I don’t think, however, it makes any real difference to the argument. (Click here for the goods.)

HUSTON, WE HAVE A PANDA CAM

It’s been a while since we had a baby panda to distract us, but now a giant panda cub, Fu Long, has made his debut at a zoo in Vienna, Austria. The panda cub was born August 23rd. Fu Long means 'lucky dragon' in Mandarin Chinese. But, sadly this is not a 24 hour live panda watch. (Sent by Valerie, click here)

The secret word is Aaaaaaaah!

EDUCATION IS A WONDERFUL THING

Except maybe when it's bombs that are not only being educated but also handed out to Bush’s dubious Middle East allies like it was a clearance sale...

"The Joint Direct Attack Munition is a kit that, when added to the back end of a 500- or 2,000-pound "dumb" bomb, turns it into a lethal, all-weather "smart" weapon. The bomb can hit within four feet of a target when launched from a fighter aircraft more than 10 miles away." (For more clink link)

The secret word is Kaboom!

I JUST COULDN'T RESIST THE IMPULSE

Lee Majors: $6 million – Elvis Presley: priceless (pic from Tom Sutpen)

WHAT STATE? WHAT UNION?

I will confess that I avoided the State of the Union address like the black death. I have enough misery, disappointment, and hypocrisy in my life already, and I simply couldn’t face one more performance by the dreadful simian, and so resolutely stared at reruns of Law & Order even though I’d seen them before, and fumed that Bush's unspeakable gall to preempt Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. About the only consolation was that I received a link to something called SOTU that described itself as follows…

“State of the Union (SOTU) provides access to the corpus of all the State of the Union addresses from 1790 to 2008. SOTU allows you to explore how specific words gain and lose prominence over time, and to link to information on the historical context for their use. SOTU focuses on the relationship between individual addresses as compared to the entire collection of addresses, highlighting what is different about the selected document. You are invited to try and understand from this information the connection between politics and language–between the state we are in, and the language which names it and calls it into being.”

Or, in other words, one those cyber devices where you push words around with the cursor without a totally clear idea of what exactly is being demonstrated to you. (Click to play)

The secret words are Mouse Pad

OR AS THE CAT SAYS...

"...sex isn't everything." (Now read on)

DOC 40 ADMITS ITS MISTAKES

Valerie points out how, two weeks ago, I was kinda of mean to Dita Von Teese when in fact she might actually be doing something quite useful. She is launching PETA's new ABC campaign.

"What does ABC stand for? Animal birth control, of course! PETA's new ABC campaign tackles the issue of companion animal overpopulation and urges people to do their part by taking simple steps to help end this crisis. Dita knows her ABCs and just how important animal birth control is. Every year, nearly 4 million dogs and cats are put to death in the U.S. because there are not enough good homes for them. Until we all do our part to put an end to this cycle, euthanasia will remain a tragic necessity." (Click for more.)

The secret word is Spay