TURN AND FACE THE BOOK

"We are your friends. Really."

Okay, enough is enough. It’s a nothing but a Barbie reality. For some months I have participated in Facebook. (Is participated the right word?) It has now reached the point where I would appear to have just shy of a thousand “friends.” That I only really know a very small fraction of these people doesn’t really bother me. I figure that a large number of them may like my work, and I am quite honored that they have asked to be “added.” On first glance the number may seem mildly formidable, but I neither feel guilty about it, nor let it go my head. I note instead that former 1970s groupies from the era of Quaaludes, spangles, and big hair can boast two or three times that number, amply proving that the pen is in no way mightier than the blowjob. What does bother me, however, is that Facebook-generated email has now become a far greater nuisance than spam ever was, and I begrudge the clicks and keystrokes it takes to decline every invitation to travel to Paris at my own expense to see a band that is wholly unknown to me.

Worse still is the illusionary nature of so much of what now clogs my in-box. The only reality on Facebook is used to move product, sell tickets to shows, or raise profiles. Beyond that, far too much of my mail reads like some approximation of what follows. “Frodo Scrodknocker became a fan of World Peace, and suggested you become a fan of World Peace too.” I assume that Frodo Scrodknocker is sincere in his intentions. What I question is does he really think he’s achieving anything? Even assuming that Frodo’s fan page is so highly organized and successful that he manages to net himself a half million respondents, what does Scrodknocker imagine he will a achieve? Does he seriously imagine that all of his amassed virtual signatures will immediately result in all the jihadists, tribal machete gangs, and teenage AK47-cocaine-&-gunpower addicts in the Congo will drop their weapons and go home. Does he think North Korea and Iran will mothball their nukes? Or that Israelis will beat their tanks into plowshares, and the Pentagon will hang out a going out of business sign?

No, of course they won’t. Frodo’s efforts will achieve precisely nothing, except to convince himself and his fan base that they are actually doing something useful, when, in fact they are merely manipulating themselves into a mutually-created, self-congratulatory, Scrodknocker time-sink. Surely what he have here is a post-Huxley, Darwinian-based pitfall of natural selection that will negate both human intelligence and human will. No wonder Facebook has no recognizable business plan. It doesn’t need one. It’s perceived function is to isolate, defuse, and neutralize all dissent, while – I have to imagine – freely feeding an infinite database of the most intimate thoughts, wants, and opinions of FB members. We lock our intelligence and – worse still – our activism into a closed loop as merciless as any iron chain, and then actually thank Big Brother from the privilege because he gives us Farmville and Mafia Wars. Is it any wonder zombie movies are so popular?

I was going to continue with some thoughts on Twitter, because, if anything, I view Twitter as even more dangerously scientological in its effects on our culture, but I’ve written enough for a single post, so I guess I’ll get to that tomorrow. (The images of the Barbie Madmen collection were supplied by the stalwart HCB.)

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The secret word is Futile