GREAT NEWS! THE TINFOIL HAT IS OBSOLETE!

For years, a tinfoil hat was the best thing we had to protect us from CIA mind control or the thought probes of inscrutable aliens, but now it has been totally superseded by inventor Michael Menkin and his Thought Screen Helmet…

“The thought screen helmet scrambles telepathic communication between aliens and humans. Aliens cannot immobilize people wearing thought screens nor can they control their minds or communicate with them using their telepathy. When aliens can't communicate or control humans, they do not take them. The thought screen helmet has effectively stopped several types of aliens from abducting or controlling humans. Only four failures have been reported since 1998. Two of those failures were encounters with alien-human hybrids. In 2005, a cloth helmet with a smaller area of Velostat, which had a Velcro strap, was easily removed by an alien-human hybrid. Another failure occurred in 2007 when two alien-human hybrids snuck up behind a frail woman, tackled her, and forcedly removed her helmet. The helmet still works for people being abducted by aliens, but not by their alien-human hybrids who are now integrating into our societies.” (Click here for all you need to know.)

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The secret word is Wooweewoo