THE ADVENTURES OF MARILYN (Part bfb4948)

In which Marilyn finds herself sitting beside the Big Fat Bastard. The Big Fat Bastard has
the girth of a Dionysian, but is really something else. The Big Fat Bastard reaches for Marilyn’s knee, and she attempts to halt him with a withering look, but she knows the Big Fat Bastard is not so easily stopped. The Big Fat Bastard has the ability to affect minds. The Big Fat Bastard is able to make others think in shorter and shorter sentences. Even a Blonde Goddess cannot easily resist. She sends out a counter-though. “Get away from me. You are a big fat four-sandwich eating motherfucker.” But it doesn’t work. Marilyn finds it harder and harder. Her thoughts are too simple. Too simple. It is not good. What shall she do? The Big Fat Bastard closes. Marilyn scowls. To be. Continued?

Pic supplied by Valerie

(THE ADVENTURES OF MARILYN NOW HAS IT’S OWN PAGE SO THE WHOLE THING CAN BE READ WITHOUT SCROLLING. CLICK HERE)

TOTALLY TAKEN BY CAPTAIN COMEBACK CON

When the news of a new album and a comeback tour by no less than Captain Beefheart and The Magic Band, I was, to say the least, excited. I completely believed the press release, and refused to notice how a few things didn’t seem quite right. Like a whole bunch of the other people, I wanted it to be true, and was totally taken in. But then I noticed that it was posted on April 1st. The stuff that was not quite right became harder and harder to ignore, and I realized it was a fast and bulbous hoax. (Click here to see for yourself.)

The secret word is Gullible

THIS BLOG IS STILL PROTECTED BY...

HARD TIMES AND AMERICA KILLS (Again!!!?)

I woke up this morning, flipped on MSNBC to see that the world was still there, and found that all other news had been preempted by the shooting massacre in Binghamton. Coming so hot on the heels of Wednesday’s post, it all gave me pause and the weirded feeling that maybe I shouldn’t be posting any TGIF fun and frolic before the bodies are cold. A strange Cartesian paraphrase slips into my mind. “We kill, therefore we are.” Or is it “we are, therefore we kill.?”

OH NO I DON’T BELIEVE IT

“Broken and desperate, George Bush has turned to the woman who many believe was his secret lover, insiders say. In a blockbuster world exclusive, sources reveal what the ex-President said in frantic midnight phone calls to Condoleezza Rice - and his estranged wife Laura's agony. Don't miss a single word!”

Our pal Aeswiren sent over this tabloid wonderment. Wouldn’t we all just love it to be true? Unfortunately that’s all they wrote on the web, and you’re gonna have to pick up a copy in the supermarket for the full vicarious thrill. (I also wonder what means a person like W would choose to off himself. Suggestions?)

TALK SERIOUSLY TO THE HAND

This picture was a found web object. I’m not even sure of the identity of the lady singer in blue.

The word is Showbiz

HARD TIMES AND AMERICA KILLS

This story from The Christian Science Monitor sent by MrMR attempts to forge a link between hardship and mass murder. It leads with a certain logic…

“Four Oakland, Calif., police officers shot down. An Alabama man strolling a small town with a rifle, looking for victims. Seven elderly people shot dead at a North Carolina nursing home. And on Sunday, six people, including four kids, died in an apparent murder-suicide in an upscale neighborhood in Santa Clara, Calif. The details in all these cases are still emerging. In most, the exact motive has yet to be determined – or may never be fully understood. On a broader level, however, such incidents may be happening more often because an increasing number of Americans feel desperate pressure from job losses and other economic hardship, criminologists say.”

But then it continues…

“Social isolation is a huge factor in a country as large and transient as America, which places big emphasis on personal results. If you look at where many of these mass killings have occurred lately, they're in states that have lots of strangers, transients, and drifters, who don't have support systems to get them through tough times.” (Click here for more)

At this point the story goes off the rails for me. Great. Let’s marginalize and fear “strangers, transients, and drifters.” Let’s save the bankers and toss the autoworkers to the wolves. Let’s reject social safety nets and keep America safe from the evils of socialism. Let’s keep the people frightened and isolated because that also means they are powerless.

The secret word, once again, is Fury

WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?

And talking of Jesus, here’s more from the insane right of Congress. Rep. John Shimkus (R-Ill.) argues that we could afford to keep increasing the levels of greenhouse gases in our atmosphere, since dinosaurs got by just fine in a carbon-rich environment.
“Today we have about 388 parts per million [of carbon dioxide] in the atmosphere. I think in the age of the dinosaurs, when we had most flora and fauna, we were probably at 4,000 parts per million. There is a theological debate that this is a carbon-starved planet, not too much carbon. The earth will end only when God declares it’s time to be over. A man will not destroy this earth. This earth will not be destroyed by a flood. I appreciate having panelists here who are men of faith and we can get into the theological discourse of that position, but I do believe that God’s word is infallible. Unchanging. Perfect.”

Or you could watch this lunatic and wonder. Click here for the video.

THE CITY STOPS BEATING

LA CityBeat shut down last weekend. Its demise was hardly unexpected, but no one likes to see a magazine or newspaper go under. The explanation will doubtless be the economic chaos, but I fear the decline had started long before the housing bubble burst. Like many other alternative weeklies (and many other print entities, for that matter) LACB was mismanaged from the get-go. The suits firmly believed what someone on the Big Money website recently noted – “the magazine business is the advertiser audience delivery business.” To that end, content was treated with distain. The idea that writers might need to be paid a living wage was mocked, although the suits worn by the suits indicated they were hardly doing it for the revolution. A mythic young-consumer demographic was constantly pursued as though print could somehow woo the youth away from Twitter and My Space. Promotion was dismissed as not cost effective, and the idea that print might become the domain of people who actually like to read was dismissed out of hand. I’m pissed because I am left with no place to air even my most conventional theories. I have a killer original essay on the total ramifications of marijuana legalization, but currently it has no home. Indeed, right now the writing on the wall for the essayist and mid-list fiction author of gothic fantasy seems to be “fuck off and die.” Maybe, after 34 books and god knows how many magazine stories, I should take the advice all of those who think it’s sooo smart not to reply to my emails and do exactly that. Unless, of course, someone comes up with a cunning plan.

The secret word is Obsolete

A MESSAGE TO THOSE OBAMA BAITING REPUBLICANS

(Sent by MrMR)

DOC'S SUNDAY FUNNIES

I deeply regretted not hearing about this event in Northern California (from Adam Gorightly) until it was all over. Here at the Doc40 we prize the grilled cheese sandwich above most other foods. (Man cannot live by grilled cheese alone – but he can try!) Unfortunately the greatest proponent of the grilled cheese was also unable to attend…

…BECAUSE…

(For Elvis’ own recipe, scroll back to January 8th of this year.)

A RESONABLE EXPLANATION...

Some of you in the US may have seen this already in your Sunday paper (if you still have one) and those who didn't may have to click on the image to enlarge, but I've posted it because it's one of the best pieces of visual sci fi I've seen in many a moon, and also it makes a lot of sense.

The secret word is Species

AND FINALLY...

Rimshot!

(Send by the Hunter)