AN ARMY OF ONE

This less than sharp picture is of what was called The Johnny Seven One-Man Army, and I discovered it in accidental passing being offered on sale for some absurd amount of money on eBay. And why, you might ask, is Farren posting a picture of The Johnny Seven One-Man Army that he discovered in passing being offered on sale for some absurd amount of money on eBay? The answer, my friend, is that The Johnny Seven One-Man Army was about the apex in toy guns -- almost guaranteed to prevent a young lad turning homosexual in later life -- and, when I was around eight or nine years old, I wanted one in the worst possible way. It was big. On the scale of an 8 year-old, it was as big as Rambo’s M60, and an obvious prepubescent penis substitute. The Johnny Seven One-Man Army was a combined grenade and missile launcher and bipod machine gun, with a detachable cap pistol, and, if I recall rightly, a rubber bayonet. I believe pacifist mothers cited it during the War on War Toys that was waged in the 1960s. Needless to say the purchase price was way beyond my lousy pocket money, and my mother definitely didn’t think I needed a combined grenade launcher, machine gun, pistol, and bayonet. Thus I settled for a Dan Dare sparking ray gun, but it was no substitute.

I really only mention this as another possible reason so many of my g-g-generation verged on the insane.

The secret word is Padderblap*
*an explanation will be offered if requested.