WHOLLY HOLY SUNDAY

Shall we all get right with God, brothers and sisters?

I suppose if we were truly devout we’d be spending Sunday doing absolutely nothing, which would come a major relief to me, at least, since I appear to spend all my time writing until my typing hands hurt. Also, since there would appear to be no biblical proscriptions against smoking weed, we could be doing nothing plus being as high as kites, which is, if I recall correctly, is how I spent a considerable part of my youth, when, I swear, things were a great deal fucking easier. (No worries about God on the reefer count, though, the marijuana laws are just a matter of rendering unto Caesar that about which Caesar is irrationally demented.)

Okay, so here we are, Sunday, stoned, and totally doing nothing, exactly as the Bible instructs, except maybe scratching our feet. Shall we take it a stage further and try for a vision? Let’s pretend that GWB was reelected, and, while we’re waiting for the prime time death-stoning of evil-doers on Fox, hosted by Jay Leno, what better moment to review the brand new Federal regulations governing marriage. Strictly biblical right? Well, my friends, our good pal kaymo has sent us a resume of just what these new rules of bible-based marriage would need to include to make them 100% guaranteed devout...

Just in the hope of elevating the debate, I note that a constitutional amendment to codify marriage on biblical principles would need to include these provisions:

1. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)

2. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines, in addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)

3. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If she is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)

4. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:109; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30

5. Since marriage is for life, neither this constitution nor the constitution of any State shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

6. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall either be slain or pay a fine of one shoe. (Gen 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

So there you have it, oh ye of little faith. Maybe a tad hard on unbelievers, wives, sluts, and brothers in law, but weren’t we always warned that God was fucking mysterious? Now if anyone has chapter and verse on the biblical strictures against homosexuality and fornication, we can really get jiggy wit’ it.

MEANWHILE...

Up on the comments board, a debate over fun v politics seems to be gathering momentum. Join in, enjoy, that’s what the thing’s there for. (And both by default and because the majority seem to like the anarchy of it all, the comments will remain as they are until they finally explode. Which I guess is the basic Doc40 theory of blog maintenance.) You can also email – byron4d@aol.com.

QUOTE FOR THE DAY – A true revolutionary is guided by a great feeling of love. – Che Guevara

CRYPTIQUE – Lay down in green pastures.