REMEMBER THE COCAINE SUBMARINE?

Years ago we ran the story of the cocaine smuggling submarine that was found in a forest in Ecuador. Now, after all this time, we have a breakdown of its construction and capabilities.

“With a crew of four to six, it has a maximum operational range of 6,800 nautical miles on the surface and can go 10 days without refueling. Packed with 249 lead-acid batteries, the behemoth can also travel silently underwater for up to 18 hours before recharging. The most valuable feature, though, is the cargo bay, capable of holding up to 9 tons of cocaine—a street value of about $250 million. The vessel ferries that precious payload using a GPS chart plotter with side-scan capabilities and a high-frequency radio—essential gadgetry to ensure on-time deliveries. There’s also an electro-optical periscope and an infrared camera mounted on the conning tower—visual aids that supplement two miniature windows in the makeshift cockpit.” (Click here for more)

Click here for Ringo

The secret word is Snorkel

THE CAT WITH FIVE EARS

What can I say except it’s from the Rianovosti website in Russia…

“A biologist from Voronezh found a cat with five ears in the street and brought it home to study and perhaps breed. "The cat has two normal ears, two extra ears are turned 180 degrees and there is a tiny fifth ear," said Vladimir Obryvkov of the Voronezh State University of Agriculture. The scientist, who has been studying animal anomalies for years, took the cat to X-ray its unusual ears but decided to take her home to his children. Obryvkov said that the cat named Luntya also has big paws but her behavior does not differ from that of normal cats. He also said that he wants to mate his new pet with a four-eared cat living in Vladivostok to create a new breed of these fluffy animals.”

And talking of Russia…

ALL THE FUN OF RUSSIAN ROULETTE AND NONE OF THE DEATH

DON'T YOU MISS THE 20TH CENTURY?

YOUR PHONE IS WATCHING YOU

All I can really hope is that one day they will drown in their own data.

"Your cell phone company knows everywhere you go, twenty-four hours a day, every day. How concrete is this fact for you? It's very concrete for Malte Spitz, a German politician and privacy advocate. He used German privacy law — which, like the law of many European countries, gives individuals a right to see what private companies know about them — to force his cell phone carrier to reveal what it knew about him. The result? 35,831 different facts about his cell phone use over the course of six months. As the German newspaper website Zeit Online reports: This profile reveals when Spitz walked down the street, when he took a train, when he was in an airplane. It shows where he was in the cities he visited. It shows when he worked and when he slept, when he could be reached by phone and when was unavailable. It shows when he preferred to talk on his phone and when he preferred to send a text message. It shows which beer gardens he liked to visit in his free time. All in all, it reveals an entire life. To show just how extensive this data is, Spitz chose to make it all available to the public; Zeit Online used it to prepare a remarkable interactive map which animates Spitz's movements, moment by moment, over the course of half a year. It's correlated with information Spitz willingly posted on the web, and, according to him and the newspaper, is remarkably, eerily accurate. Try it out.” (Click here for more and links.)

Click here for Lou

The secret word is Shadow

LETTER FROM TOKYO

Our good friend Yukiko writes…

"After 3.11, it's as if something has changed in Japan forever although it may be only in my consciousness. The blackouts, which they execute from time to time, makes me wonder we really need to go back to that excessively well organized society in which trains come every 3 minute without delay, things are delivered the next day of order, illuminations are so elaborately beautiful, etc. etc. All that highly comfortable and convenient life was standing on the anxiety of the people who lived near the Fukushima Atomic Plant and who now are not allowed to go back to their town to look for bodies of their family.

"Today Mr. Nicolas Sarkozy, the leader of a country with 58 nuclear reactors, came to Japan to discuss Fukushima Daiichi. Since 3.11 an average day of the Japanese starts with yet another unpleasant news about yet another unpleasant number about yet another radioactive substance which was detected at yet another place. What we now have is a quiet panic. A psychologist was saying on TV that a human being can react to the danger correctly, but not to the anxiety. The monster is becoming increasingly smarter and now stretching its hand to the sea, so eagerly wanting to contaminate it with the radioactive water which is constantly leaking from an unidentified place. As you so wisely pointed out when it happened, this is a global crisis and in the long run many people in the world may pause, regardless of whether they should, before eating the fish on his/her plate wondering if it's really safe."

HELTER SKELTER WILL COME AGAIN (You have been warned)

(Or is it our April Fools gag?)
Click here for Charlie

GRATUITOUS RACHEL RILEY

This will only make sense to Englishmen who watch afternoon TV.

CAN TV SURVIVE A GLENN BECK CHANNEL?

As Entertainment Weekly tells it…

"Oprah has a network. Ted Turner launched several networks. Martha Stewart has a network (or at least hours of face time on the Hallmark Channel). And now it looks like Glenn Beck might be getting a piece of the dial, too. According to a story in yesterday’s New York Times, if Beck leaves Fox News when his contract runs out at the end of this year, one of the options he’s considering is fronting his own TV channel. Already, the Times notes, Beck has been staffing up his independent media company, Mercury Radio Arts, and churning out pay content for the web — which has brought in $4 million. How big a step would it be for him take it to the next level, launching The Beck Channel on cable? Preposterous? Possibly. But just think of the groundbreaking programming The Beck Channel could offer viewers. How about a game show based on The Book of Revelations? How will the world end today? Earthquakes? Plagues? The Twelfth Imam? Spin the Apocalypse Wheel and see where it lands. Maybe Christine O’Donnell could host. Or how about a Saturday morning cartoon, drawn entirely on a chalkboard, that takes kids on an ACORN hunt through the entire U.S. Federal bureaucracy. That could make conspiracy theories fun for the whole family! Michele Bachmann and Sharron Angle could do the voices. There’s got to be a thousand ideas out there for shows to put on Beck’s cable channel."

Click here for Zappa

The secret word is Braindeath

RADIO FOR ALL

The show that Tim Rundall and I (seated above) did two days ago on Brighton Community Radio, playing live, chatting and spinning some of our favorite records, is now archived and can be heard by clicking here. (I've listened to this myself and I figure if I can stand it, you can. And Tim's picking guitar like one inspired motherfucker.)

Okay, so it’s fucking obvious but still click here for Sex Pistols

WOW! 2 (Bridget Riley)

IT’S A WEIRD WORLD WHERE THEY BUST WILLIE NELSON

This absurd Texas tale comes from our pal Lettice via Facebook…

“Singer-songwriter and marijuana enthusiast Willie Nelson could have faced a lengthy jail term after he was arrested for possession in November. But perhaps the Texas prosecutor has been smoking some of Willie’s special cigarettes, because he has agreed to let the 77-year-old legend avoid prison but only if he gives the court a song. Hudspeth County Attorney Kit Bramblett said: ‘I’m gonna let him plead, pay a small fine and he’s gotta sing “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain” with his guitar right there in the courtroom.’ He added: ‘You bet you’re a** I ain’t gonna be mean to Willie Nelson.’ Nelson was arrested in November his tour bus was crossing the Mexican border into Hudspeth County, Texas on its way to Los Angeles when officers smelled cannabis coming from inside. The bus was searched and six ounces was discovered, which Nelson said was his. He posted a $2,500 bail and the bus was allowed to go on its way. Nelson is a keen advocate of legalising the drug and is co-chair of the advisory board of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws.” (Click here for more)

Click here for Willie

The secret word is Inexplicable

AND THE NEXT THING TO WORRY ABOUT IS…WATER

The announcement deserves a dire drum role, and all of these terrible problems that Corporate Global refuse to address because their profits are more important make me quite relieved that I’m at approaching the end of my allotted span.

“More than one billion urban residents will face serious water shortages by 2050 as climate change worsens effects of urbanization, with Indian cities among the worst hit, a study said Monday. The shortage threatens sanitation in some of the world's fastest-growing cities but also poses risks for wildlife if cities pump in water from outside, said the article in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. The study found that under current urbanization trends, by mid-century some 993 million city dwellers will live with less than 100 liters (26 gallons) each day of water each -- roughly the amount that fills a personal bathtub -- which authors considered the daily minimum. Adding on the impact of climate change, an additional 100 million people will lack what they need for drinking, cooking, cleaning, bathing and toilet use.” (Click here for more)

THE FROZDICK FAMILY

Vasilev (Buster) Frozdick was pledged to the monkey cult.

WOW!

THERE’S BLING AND THERE’S OBSCENE

The gulf between rich and poor yawns wider and more irrational. As wealth, for some becomes an abstract concept, ordinary people take to the streets to protest austerity or to demand democracy. In that context, should anyone be bent out of shape because a few tasteless assholes want to own a $3 million diamond watch. Why the fuck not? That’s how the French Revolution got started.

“This year Hublot makes another big bang with this baguette diamond covered 18k white gold Big Bang tourbillon watch. This follows up the Million Dollar Bing Bang from a few years ago that used black diamonds. The $3 Million Big Bang has something like 142 carats of diamonds all over the case, dial, and bracelet. Most of them are large baguette-cut stones and they look marvelous. Pieces like this are made to order for the right type of people. This isn't the type of watch you can just walk around in. Though at the right social event, the guy wearing the diamond encrusted Hublot that sells for an obscene price might have his taste and sanity questioned, but certainly not his success.”

Click here for Creedence

The secret word is Guillotine

CARTMAN KAIJU DEATH BY TRUSTOCORP

The South Park Art 15th Anniversary Art Exhibition will open March 28th at the Opera Gallery in New York City and run through April 10th. Picture from Scott Beale of Laughing Squid. (Click here for more)

THE MOUSE WILLS IT

Lifted from Adam Gorightly

GRATUITOUS BIRKIN

MICHAEL JACKSON BURNS IN HELL

Teen Christian Angelica Elizabeth Zambrano Mora doesn’t get down on Fridays. She’s getting conducted tours of Hell from Jesus and some attendant angels.

“Jesus told me that many famous people were walking to that place, famous and important people. Take for example, Michael Jackson. This man was famous all over the world but he was a Satanist. Although many people may not see it that way, but it is the truth. This man had satanic covenants: He came to agreement with the devil in order to achieve fame and attract many fans. Those steps that he performed, that's the way I saw demons walk while tormenting people in hell. They would slide backward and not move forward, while they shout; enjoying the anguish they impose upon the people. Let me tell you that Michael Jackson is in hell. The Lord showed him to me after Michael died. He let me see Michael Jackson tormented in flames. I cried to Jesus, "Why?" It wasn't easy to see how this man was being tormented and how he would scream. Anyone who listens to Michael Jackson's songs or sings them or who is a fan of Michael Jackson, I warn you that Satan is trapping you in his web so that you will end up in hell.” (Click here for the whole weirdness)

Click here for Arthur Brown (via Jenny Spires)

The secret word is Lucifer

RADIO RADIO (Tuesday)

Tim Rundall and I (pictured above) will be on Brighton Community Radio tomorrow (Tuesday) playing, chatting, and spinning some of our favorite records. Click here at 4.00pm British Summer Time.

DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER (YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?)

DON'T YOU MISS THE 20TH CENTURY?

Our pals at Delancey Place sent us this snippet…

"In new and sanitized suburban towns, a young generation thus dreamed of cures - of a death-free, disease-free existence. Lulled by the idea of the durability of life, they threw themselves into consuming durables: boat-size Studebakers, rayon leisure suits, televisions, radios, vacation homes, golf clubs, barbecue grills, washing machines. In Levittown, a sprawling suburban settlement built in a potato field on Long Island - a symbolic utopia - 'illness' now ranked third in a list of 'worries,' falling behind 'finances' and 'child-rearing.' In fact, rearing children was becoming a national preoccupation at an unprecedented level. Fertility rose steadily - by 1957, a baby was being born every seven seconds in America. The 'affluent society,' as the economist John Galbraith described it, also imagined itself as eternally young, with an accompanying guarantee of eternal health - the invincible society." – Siddhartha Mukherjee

But later they would learn better.

Click here for Rosemary Clooney

SPACE OPERA

SUNDAY BREAKFAST

I feel so very less then energized by the propect of solitary ceral or a self-fried egg that they already tell me is no good for me. I dream of calling a cab, showing the driver the above picture, and instructing him to take me there with all possible acceleration, not sparing the horsepower. And the driver will of course imediately comply and speed me to this wonderous place where I will breakfast on smoked salmon, caviar, and perfect sweet rolls; where I’ll drink mimosas and superior coffee, and flirt with beautiful women in low cut dresses who will swiftly adore me. After that I will be ready for any work of genius that might present itself through the remainder of the day.

Click here for Dusty Springfield

The secret words are Dream and On

MARILYN SEZ...

“Shut up and drink your milk.”

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

THE FROZDICK FAMILY

Francis X. Frozdick could make the water turn black.